Welcome to the Buddhist boot camp podcast.

Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

When my friend's husband started criticizing her the other day, she stopped him mid-sentence and said,

I'm going to need to hear four compliments from you before I can accept any criticism.

What a game changer. I love it. When couples and friends argue, they often make the mistake

of bringing up past grievances in an attempt to strengthen their argument in the present,

using words like, you never or you always, which keeps people

and relationships perpetually defined by their worst moments. If someone attempts to use my past against me,

it's like they are trying to rob my old house. I don't live there anymore. That's why when I share

my work with correctional facilities

all over the world, the resounding message is that we are not defined by what has happened in our

lives, nor by anything we have done. We are who we choose to become today. When Buddhists take

their monastic vows, the teacher often suggests that the students change their

name to a new Dharma title in order to leave behind who they once were and to honor who they are

becoming. I personally chose not to adopt a new name at the monastery for a couple of reasons.

I had already changed my name once in the 90s when it became apparent that Americans can't pronounce my birth name,

and I have known people who took up a Dharma name to represent non-attachment to their old selves only to get attached to their new identity.

I don't think it's necessary to deny our past, nor to stick to it, in order to live in the present.

Buddhism teaches us that our suffering comes from clinging, and boy, do we cling. Even though

we don't like it when others try to use our past against us, we do it to ourselves when we replay

our own mistakes. We cringe at questionable life choices, and we still allow outdated

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