CLASSIC: Secrets of the Founding Fathers, Chapter One: Some Very Weird Dudes
Stuff They Don't Want You To Know
iHeartPodcasts
4.2 • 11K Ratings
🗓️ 14 April 2026
⏱️ 61 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this week's Classic episode, Ben, Matt and Noel explore some extremely weird dudes known as the Founding Fathers of the United States. They're memorialized in monuments, museums, currency, holidays -- the list goes on. For more than a century they were deified, held up as paragons of statecraft. Yet the way they've been portrayed in textbooks often skips over details that ran counter to the shining image sold to generations of school children. You see, the Founding Fathers had secrets... so many, in fact, that we had to make this a two-part episode.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Fellow conspiracy realist, you often hear us refer to a little bit of a click. |
| 0:07.0 | Some call them freedom fighters. |
| 0:08.7 | The Brits call them terrorists. |
| 0:10.2 | We call them the founding fathers of the United States. |
| 0:15.0 | Imperfect, ambitious, weird fashion sense, very weird people, as it turns out. |
| 0:22.9 | Need me say more? |
| 0:24.7 | Every time I imagine the founding fathers now, I see Nate Bargazzi and I see him either in a canoe or around a fire, just talking about his vision of the United States. |
| 0:37.7 | Only glamour. |
| 0:39.4 | Yes. |
| 0:40.4 | Which is probably one of the best sketches that Saturday Night Live has released, |
| 0:48.2 | at least statistically, in the past five years, minimum. |
| 0:51.6 | Oh, yeah. |
| 0:52.5 | Just Nate, completely ignoring Kenan's questions. |
| 0:56.5 | They were very pertinent. |
| 0:57.3 | Where all men will be free, right? |
| 1:00.5 | A little shoulder pat, temperature will be measured. |
| 1:03.8 | Ben, you've also taken a turn as a founding father on the internet, if I'm not mistaken. |
| 1:08.8 | Oh, gosh. |
| 1:10.0 | Oh, well, we forgot about that one. |
| 1:12.3 | Check out our Instagram. |
| 1:14.5 | If you want to see our 10-10, absolutely true documentary, |
| 1:21.1 | wherein Noel and Matt meet George Washington, who has traveled through time. |
... |
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