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Thank you. Mayor Johnson is calling on all the murderers in Chicago to stand up and resist the National Guard.

Bill Barfichick set a record at UNC, gave up the most points in opening game history.

It looks like the thrill is off a chapel bill, and I'm predicting a season of misery.

Howie, you ask why Ilan Oma with the headpiece?

Because, come on, what woman would like to never have a bad hair day?

There you go.

Howie, stop me if you've heard this one. An unlicensed driver from Guatemala,

side-swiped the police cruiser while he was going the wrong way in Merrimack, New Hampshire.

The guy's from, uh, lived in Passaic, New Jersey.

So I think Cory Booker will just call him New Jersey man.

I don't liberals care about big city murder rape?

Yeah.

Dead people still hope.

Nadler, that weevil wobbles, but he don't fall down.

Breaking, breaking news.

Two Mexican cartels have sued Donald Trump to claim that his crackdown on crime is both unconstitutional and bad for business.

That was your last chump line message.

Thank you for calling Howie Car.

You chump.

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