Chop Chumps is brought to you by our cheap bastard deals.

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Cheers. You're a member of the secret service, and you want to jerk off.

Isn't that supposed to be a secret?

With him being on suicide watch now, how soon before we hear that the guards assigned to Cole Allen were absent or napping and the security cameras were turned off?

Howie, don't forget a lot of the illegal aliens and inner city youths are into those

jumping jacks and Johns and Pete's and Bill's and Steve's. No Howie's. I didn't know grifting

and plagiarizing were part of the curriculum at Ivy League schools.

The difference between partying on St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo is that on Cinco de Mayo, nobody pretends to be Mexican.

Who knew that the Iranians could fit dolphins with suicide bet?

Howie, Iranians using dolphins as weapons?

That sounds awful fishy to me.

That was your last chump line message.

Thank you for calling Howie Car.

You chump.

Chop Chumps was brought to you by our cheap bastard deals.

Go to Howie Car Show.com and click on store to get half-priced gift cards for everything from restaurants to breweries to spas.

The deals are endless, and they are cheap.