Something that's...

Please note that this episode contains some emotional and sometimes disturbing discussions about infant mortality.

This may not be suitable for all listeners.

And so from that point I suppose you're a grown-up because you know that people disappear.

From that point I'm scared that people will leave though I didn't realise that for a long time.

This is How Did We Get Here With Me Claudia Inkman and My Fantastic Friend Clinical Psychologist Professor Tonya Byron.

Each episode we look at some of the difficulties people are facing in their daily lives.

Tantox to our guest and I listen in to try and understand what is unfolded

and then our ass may be for some clarification on some of the issues that have arisen.

Please do forgive us if there are any sound glitches or any background noises because we are of course recording this from our respective homes.

This time we meet Maya who is married with five children.

When Maya was 11 she tried to assassinate her baby brother who died of cot death.

Occasionally Maya is triggered and the memory of what happened returns to her.

Maya gets very upset when she can't fix things and wonders whether it's a result of that early tragedy.

She's only just starting to realise that she has suffered grief in her life.

It's just completely different from what I've been thinking and hiding from and scared of for the last 30 years now.

Let's go meet Maya.

Maya thank you so much for taking part. You're welcome.

Tell me why you're here.

I wanted to just really work out when things became hard in my life.

Why would I go back to a place where something happened when I was a young girl?

I'm trying to work out how it's how it's formed.

...