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The following show has a lot of explicit content. I'm sure you'll like it because of that.

It's Friday, April 13th, 2018 from Slated to the Gist.

I'm Mike Pasco, Russian TV. His wife with Denials about the basic agreed-upon facts by everyone but the Russians and the Syrians in the Bashar al-Assad chemical attacks.

The Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov speaking in Moscow said there is proof the reported chemical attack was staged.

Now this denial is on the heels of a very similar Russian denial about the chemical attack on the former Russian agent and his daughter in the UK.

Now hearing these piecemeal reports, these Russian denials here and there you may lose the forest from the trees or as the Russians say, the bear may become untethered from the handler.

The big news out of Russia at this moment is this. Russian scientists have disproved chemicals.

There is no such thing as chemicals according to top Russian scientists, chemicals themselves do not exist.

Water may henceforth be treated as a thing that is wet or even if you must watery but please don't look into that in a more, shall we say, granular level.

Salt, they're not saying it's not salty but it's just salt. Just call it salt. N-A-C-L-I, you're really losing me here.

The Nobel Prize won in chemistry by Russian Nikolay Semyanov in 1956 will be reclassified as a Nobel Prize in poetry. Please inform the Nobel Committee.

Russian spokesman Dmitry Paskov noted the periodic table.

The periodic table, not very consistent. Now we find out it wasn't even periodic. It never existed. Chinese hoax.

The Russian added, there is no longer a need to investigate any chemical attacks. Also we don't need to clean up Chernobyl, Chalabinka, or any of the former sites of nickel plants where the rivers turn red and the ground now hums.

The spokesman added, it is for these reasons that we can firmly say, chemistry and chemicals themselves have been disproved adding where is our thank you.

On the show today, it is an Ant-Antwick. It's literally been three weeks. An Ant-Antwick literally means three weeks. Well, literally we kind of made the phrase up.

But still, we'll check in on all the listener mail. But first, at Helms, you know him from the banjo, the daily show, and the office, and the hangover.

But now, get to know him for a dramatic role where he plays a Ted Kennedy defender who becomes a defector. He stars in the movie Chapacwittic, and he's here now.

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