You're listening to Comedy Central.

Pfff.

One thing that I have made abundantly clear

is that I do not want children.

I say it on stage.

I say it in interviews.

It's the first thing I say to myself in the mirror

when I wake up each morning.

Right before I tell myself,

God, you're a dynamic woman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Kids don't respect me.

And quite frankly, the feeling is mutual.

And the fact is, there are millions of women just like me.

But for some reason, every single one of us,

at some point in our lives,

is shamed by society for not wanting a baby.

And that's what I want to talk about.

And tonight's installment of Long Story Short.

In America and honestly everywhere,

...