Hey deserving of the listeners, I'm going to answer as many patron emails as I possibly can in an hour.

This first email is from anonymous-upitier patron, they write,

How do you deal with someone who has been cheated on and they think constantly that you're

cheating on them? How do you deal with them constantly asking you questions, accusing you of

cheating on them? My husband asks me very very often, every day sometimes. I want to know how to help him deal with it. End of email.

Well, I don't know your husband. I don't know why he would do that. Someone would have to assess him but a main hypothesis to pursue

is that he suffers from preoccupied attachment meaning that his early childhood

was difficult attachment wise and as a result he copes with that

difficulty early in life by being extremely anxious about losing people who are close to him.

Basically, when some people are young, they learn that in order to retain some closeness

with their loved ones, they have to be in a constant hyper aroused state

assuming that the other person is about to leave.

Because if they don't have that hypervigilance, then the attachment figure will

drift away and they will be alone. So they're in a constant state of worrying. It's sort of like you're walking on a high

wire and you're balancing there. And you know that if you take your eye off of the wire or you stop concentrating on balancing,

you're going to fall.

And that might have happened many times to you, right?

You're on the tight wire, high wire act, and you start to get a little distracted and then you

fall and you hurt yourself and then you get back up there and you say, okay, make sure you

concentrate all the time. Do not stop concentrating. Well that's what preoccupation is like.

When you're two years old, three years old, four years old, you learn stay focused on your parents,

stay focused on your parents. Stay focused on your caregivers.

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