Wrestling Soup.

I am Anthony Missionary Thomas, not joined along with by Andrew Carluck, who's at home, hopefully

recovering after watching SmackDown this week.

It's time for the Smackdown Soup Recap.

I usually do a couple of these a year, so yeah. Smackdown takes place tonight in Lexington,

Kentucky, a town that leads the country in the least amount of murders, not because they don't happen, but since there's no dental records

and all the DNA matches, it's impossible to convict anyone.

We kick off this three-hour tour of hell with the usual pointless montage of wrestlers

getting out of their cars.

Then, a recap of money in the bank, because WWE assumes its audience has the memory of a

goddamn goldfish.

Then, music hits, and of course, it's John Cena.

He gets a microphone and the verbal diarrhea begins.

He gets on the stick, and get this, he says pro wrestling's Mount Rushmore is just his base four fucking times.

Was it carved by the same guy who designs his merch? Is it T-shirt Mountain?

He claims no one can touch him because he's smarter.

Smarter than the guys in the back.

Smarter than the poor saps who paid to be there, smarter than everyone watching

this garbage at home, and definitely smarter than me for reviewing this. He then lays out his

master plan that's more convoluted than IKEA instructions, claiming he knew that everyone would screw up.

He claims he saw all of this coming a year ago.

He knew Punk and Seth would take each other out.

...