If your loved one has suffered from a stroke, you might feel like the train of your life has completely derailed – and is stuck and sinking in thick, sloshy mud. For the most part, strokes occur unexpectedly. This means that for both the person experiencing the stroke, and their loved ones, life seems to change all at once.

 

Many family members will have to step into the role of caregiver, while still trying to grapple with the loss themselves. If this is the case, you are probably feeling a whirlwind of emotions – from fear and anxiety, to deep sadness, and even grief – as you watch your loved one recover.

 

We’ve talked before on this podcast about how difficult it is to watch a parent change before our eyes. The role reversal from child to caregiver is not an easy one by any means, and it’s that much harder when we know that our parents are having a difficult time, or that they’ve been through any kind of trauma.

 

Stroke survivors can suffer from mild or severe changes – but any change, even the seemingly smaller ones – are hard to come to terms with. It’s important to remember – especially if you are stepping into the role of caregiver – that your reactions to these changes are completely normal. You might feel a great sense of empathy and heartache for your parent, while you are simultaneously frustrated and irritated with them. You might ache for things to return to how they used to be, while also cherishing the extra time you’re spending together now. Mixed feelings are completely normal – and we’ll talk in this episode about how you can find a way to let your feelings out, and validate them, while remaining composed, patient, and warm around your parent.

 

Strokes can be especially difficult grounds for families to navigate, mostly because they are just so unexpected. Many aging adults with other diseases – like dementia or Parkinson’s – show a slow build up to their disease that gives families a little more time to prepare for the future and get a care plan in order.

 

When a parent suffers a stroke, though, many adult children find themselves scrambling to learn everything they can about what strokes are, how to assemble a care team, where their parent should live, and how to balance caring for their parent with their current occupation and family, all at once. All that while they try to process what has happened on an emotional level and be a source of support for their parent. If it sounds daunting, it’s because it most certainly is.

 

On today’s episode, our aim is to give you the tools you need so you can make sure your parent is receiving the best possible care, while also making sure that you are too. We’ll talk about the causes and treatments for strokes, caregiving tips and tricks, and how to plan for an uncertain future with your loved one.

 

Let’s begin with the basics. It’s important to know that strokes can happen to anyone. While the risk of suffering a stroke rises depending on age, health conditions (people with diabetes, high cholesterol, or high blood pressure have an increased risk of suffering a stroke), and family history, the hard truth is that technically, anyone can suffer from a stroke at any time. According to the CDC, about 34% of strokes occur in people under the age of 65.

 

Nearly 795,000 Americans suffer from strokes each year – and it’s currently listed as the third leading cause of death in the country. Strokes can happen to anyone at any age.

 

I say this because it’s so important to recognize the warning signs of a stroke before it’s too late. The earlier you can get your loved one to the hospital, the better the outcome will be. Too often, healthy and active people will show warning signs of a stroke and ignore them – thinking that strokes only occur in the obese or the elderly. In fact, one CDC study found that a staggering 55% of respondents did not call 911, even after noticing numbness on one side of their body. Never assume that because your mother or father have been doing well otherwise, that they cannot suffer a stroke. If they complain of a symptom – you must call 911 right away.

 

That brings me to the warning signs. What are they, anyway? Well, the American Stroke Association describes the warning signs of a stroke as F-A-S-T, or fast.

 

The F stands for facial drooping. If one side of you or your loved one’s face seems to be drooping or numb, this is a major sign of a stroke. Have your loved one attempt to smile – and if their smile looks a little off, whether it’s lopsided or not happening at all, call 911 immediately.

 

The A stands for arm weakness. If a person complains of numbness in their arm, or is unable to move their arm, this could be a sign of a stroke. Your parent might complain that their arm doesn’t feel attached, or like it’s a part of them. One woman featured in an American Stroke Association article explained that she woke up thinking there was a “toy in her bed.” That toy turned out to be her numb arm. If one arm is drifting downward when your parent attempts to lift their arms, this is another sign.

 

The S stands for speech. If your parents’ speech is suddenly slurred or difficult to understand – this is also a sign of a stroke. Have your parent try to repeat a sentence – if they are struggling to do so, do not take this lightly. Call 911.

 

Finally, the T stands for Time to Call 911. Whether your loved one is experiencing any or all of these symptoms – you need to get them to the hospital right away. The sooner a person can get to the hospital, the better chance they have of a smooth recovery. I cannot emphasize that enough.

 

Again, the acronym for stroke warning signs is FAST. Facial drooping, arm weakness, speech, time to dial 911.

 

While a stroke can happen to anyone of any age, there are certain factors that increase the risk. African Americans, for instance, are almost twice as likely to suffer from a stroke than white Americans – and they have the highest chance of death due to a stroke among demographics.

 

At the same time, underlying health issues such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure can increase the chance of experiencing a stroke.

 

Other risk factors include age, weight, and even lifestyle. A person who smokes cigarettes and drinks a significant amount of alcohol, for instance, has a higher risk of suffering from a stroke than someone who doesn’t.

 

While anyone CAN have a stroke at any age and regardless of their lifestyle, a healthy and active lifestyle will reduce the risk severely. Cutting down on alcohol, eating a balanced diet, and exercising regularly are all ways to prevent a stroke. The CDC recommends exercising for at least 2.5 hours a week – whether by hitting the gym or even taking a brisk walk around the neighborhood.

 

Cutting out cigarettes and limiting alcohol are another way to prevent strokes. Cigarettes greatly increase the risk of suffering from a stroke. Smokers actually have an increased stroke risk of 54% in women and 53% in men, according to the AHA. As for alcohol, binge drinking can raise a person’s blood pressure, making them more susceptible to suffering a stroke.

 

It is important to note that everyone who suffers a stroke reacts differently. While some may have difficulty swallowing or have a hard time moving, others might suffer fatigue or struggle to communicate. Because the reactions to a stroke can vary so greatly, there is no single type of care that works for every stroke survivor. Make sure to communicate with your loved one’s doctor about how to find the best type of care for your loved one, depending on their needs and requirements.

 

On that note, when establishing your care team, make sure to consult your parents’ doctors as well as social services to come up with the best plan for the future. Ask whether your parent could benefit from a speech therapist, occupational therapist, or physical therapist. In many cases, a survivor will need at least one of the above to help them through their recovery. These therapists can be monumental in helping your parent regain his or her independence, as he or she learns to speak, walk, or even practice daily living activities again.

 

Even if your parent seems to have only mild symptoms, you still want to find out whether a therapist would be beneficial. Think about it this way: a person who has been in a car accident might have mild whiplash that makes it painful to turn their neck. That might be their only symptom. They should still see a physical therapist so they can learn to move their neck pain-free again and prevent any future strains that might occur from overuse before the tissue heals.

 

Once you know what therapies your parent might need, you also need to find out how intensive their care will be. Can they remain mostly independent, or do they need around the clock care? If they do require constant care, are you able to balance your own work and life with being there for them? Look into their insurance plan and find out whether they qualify for at-home nursing care. If they do, this may be worth considering -just so you can maintain a balance between caring for your loved one and caring for yourself. If not, think about how becoming a family caregiver might affect your own finances. Are you able to leave your job? Does your parent have anything in their savings that can help them afford care?

 

You might find that a nursing home or an assisted living facility is the best option for your loved one. Medicaid will cover a temporary stay in a nursing home – and for many stroke patients, a temporary stay is all that is needed. Again, evaluate with your doctor what they think the healing stages and recovery period will be for your parent.

 

To learn more about finding the perfect type of care for your loved one, listen to our episode on choosing the right care. There, we lay out all you need to know about the various options out there – including what they cost, how they might affect quality of life, and how to talk to your loved one about their own desires for the future.

 

If you opt to go the family caregiver route, know that as exhausting and stressful as it can be, it can also be immensely rewarding. Still, many caregivers can feel daunted, frustrated, and even isolated in their new role. So, make sure that you are taking at least a few minutes every day for yourself – to breathe, process, and do something only for you. The more you care for yourself, the better you’ll be able to care for your loved one.

 

If you have stepped into the role of family caregiver, there are some things that are essential to know and take care of, right from the start. First of all, take note of your parents’ new medications. Know the side effects, the correct dosage, and the exact time that the pills need to be taken. Do they need to be taken with food? Is it normal for your parent to feel dizzy afterward? Also, find out what other medications your parent is taking and consult their doctor to make sure everything is safe to take together. This includes over the counter drugs, vitamin and supplements, and even creams.

 

Be on the lookout for warning signs of another stroke. Stroke survivors have an increased likelihood of suffering another stroke, so make sure to be as attentive as possible to the warning signs we spoke about earlier. If your parent experiences any numbness, facial drooping, or arm weakness – get them to the hospital right away.

 

Be aware, also, that falls are common with stroke survivors – especially in the first few months of recovery. Reduce the risks of falls by making sure there are no loose rugs in the house, spills are cleaned up right away, and installing safety rods in the shower, along with gripping mats. If your loved one shows any signs of bruising, bleeding, or pain after a fall, take them to the hospital. If your loved one falls more than twice in a six-month period, get them to a doctor to make sure nothing else is wrong. 

 

Depression is extremely common among stroke survivors. In fact, about 30-50% of stroke survivors suffer from depression during their recovery. Depression can make recovery extremely difficult, as people who are depressed tend to feel lethargic, unmotivated, and easily overwhelmed. Try to prevent depression in your loved one right away by keeping their minds and bodies as stimulated as possible. The stimulation will depend on your parents’ capabilities, but they can include taking them outside for walks, playing games, and engaging in social activities.

 

If your parent is suffering from depression, there are support groups and counseling services that specialize in helping stroke survivors. It can be enormously helpful for a survivor to know that they are not alone – and to join a community of people who have been through something similar. You can also speak to their doctor about anti-depressants, although medication might not always be an option depending on what other prescriptions your loved one is taking. If medication is not an option, making sure your parent feels supported and loved, and keeping them busy and engaged, should help.

 

You also need to remember to be patient with your loved one. This is easier said than done, I know. Transitioning into the role of a caregiver can feel completely overwhelming, and you might find yourself getting more irritated and frustrated than usual – especially if you’re feeling impatient with how long the recovery process is taking. It’s completely normal to feel angry or even resentful of the situation you’re in – but keep in mind that this is a major loss for your parent, as well.

 

The physical and mental limitations that they are suffering can be shocking and heart breaking, and they might be more susceptible to sadness and anger as they learn to cope with their new way of life. Lashing out or acting irritated with your parent will not help the situation – it will more likely make your parent feel more disheartened and disconnected and can even slow their recovery. Patience, positive reinforcement, and encouragement will help your parent to feel stronger, happier, and more motivated in their recovery. Most of all, it will help them feel supported during this incredibly difficult time.

 

Now, I’m not saying not to let yourself feel. Your feelings are normal, valid, and true to your own experience – and you owe it to yourself to let yourself feel what you need to. The key is to find a place to express yourself away from your parent. Finding a community and support system isn’t just important for your parent – it’s important for you, also. Speak to a counselor, find a support group, or look for a friend who you can lean on when you need it. Venting sessions, advice, and support will be crucial to keeping up your own mental health during this time. Again, the better you care for yourself, the better you’ll be able to care for your parent.

 

Because a stroke comes on so suddenly, it can feel like the world has turned upside down after your parent experiences one. In many ways, it has. Remember that you are not alone – and with the right preparation and care, you can make the uncertain future as smooth as possible, and get to the other side stronger than ever. 

 

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

 

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. On the next episode of All Home Care Matters we will be welcoming the co-founder of AlayaCare to the show – Neil Grunberg. This is an interview you won’t want to miss!

 

Here are the sources used for this episode:

https://www.stroke.org/en/about-stroke/stroke-symptoms

 

https://whentheygetolder.co.uk/health/health-issues/mobility/how-to-cope-when-your-parent-has-a-stroke/

 

https://lunchticket.org/five-myths-a-daughters-guide-to-surviving-your-mothers-stroke/

 

https://www.stroke.org.uk/what-is-stroke/are-you-at-risk-of-stroke#:~:text=A%20stroke%20can%20happen%20to,can%20to%20reduce%20your%20risk.

 

https://www.jaga-me.com/thecareissue/stroke-home-care-saved-our-family/

 

https://www.stroke.org.uk/finding-support/caring-for-a-stroke-survivor

 

https://careinc.com/care-blog/9-ways-to-cope-after-a-family-member-has-a-stroke

 

https://www.stroke.org/en/help-and-support/for-family-caregivers/15-things-caregivers-should-know-after-a-loved-one-has-had-a-stroke

 

https://www.goredforwomen.org/en/about-heart-disease-in-women/living-with-cardiovascular-disease/tips-to-combat-depression-after-a-stroke

 

https://www.webmd.com/stroke/features/stroke-recovery-tips-for-the-caregiver

 

https://www.visitingangels.com/knowledge-center/why-in-home-care/how-home-care-changes-for-loved-ones-following-a-stroke/372

 

https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/stroke/caring-for-a-loved-one-after-a-stroke

 

https://www.flintrehab.com/how-to-care-for-stroke-patient-at-home/

 

https://www.cdc.gov/stroke/facts.htm

 

https://www.cdc.gov/stroke/healthy_living.htm