Can I Gaslight Myself? Part Two [321]

Flying Free

Natalie Hoffman

Emotional, Narcissism, Christianity, Abuse, Religion & Spirituality, Spiritual, Christian, Self-improvement, Education, Divorce, Marriage

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 1 April 2025

⏱️ 37 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Welcome back, butterflies! In this episode, I’m joined once again by my friend and fellow coach, Diana Swillinger. We’re diving into the second part of an important topic today: Can we gaslight ourselves?

Gaslighting is usually something done to us—manipulation that makes us question our reality. But what happens when we internalize it? When we start running the script on autopilot and doubting ourselves before anyone else even gets a chance? Buckle up, because our Kaleidoscope members had some thoughts on this, and we’re breaking it all down.

Key Takeaways:

Idealizing Others – When we believe that if we just act a certain way, that person will finally approve of us? That’s a trap.
Believing the Unbelievable – Sometimes, we’re so conditioned to believe our abuser isn’t lying that we ignore all the red flags. It’s like trying to finish a puzzle when someone keeps hiding the pieces. Maddening, right?
Giving Away Our Credibility – We assume the other person must be right and know better than us. Newsflash: That’s not always true.
Agreeing Against Our Gut – You ever nod along while every fiber of your being screams, Nope, not true!?
Over-Spiritualizing – Just because someone prays about something doesn’t mean their actions magically become good. Intentions don’t equal truth.
Minimizing Abuse – “Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing.” Nope, friend. If it feels bad, it is bad. Maybe even worse than bad.
How Faith Can Condition Us – Ever been told you’re “thinking evil” just because you question something? That’s not faith. That’s control.

Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Diana Swillinger is a life and business coach, host of The Renew Your Mind Podcast, and founder of the Renew Your Mind Institute Coach Training. After decades of trying to please God, be a good person and do the right thing, she ended up exhausted and discouraged. Desperate for a solution, Diana went back to school, joined personal development programs, and more, then took what she learned and created mind renewal tools that let her love life in every situation no matter what comes her way. Over the past five years, she has empowered thousands of women with those same tools to heal themselves, get back to who God created them to be, and build a life they love.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, this is Natalie Hoffman of Flying FreeNow.com, and you're listening to the Flying Free Podcast,
0:08.2	a support resource for women of faith looking for hope and healing from hidden emotional and spiritual abuse.
0:18.7	Welcome to episode 321 of the Flying Free Podcast. Today we are going, I have my friend with me again here today, my friend and fellow coach, Diana Swillinger, and we are, oh my gosh, I almost was like, my brain did one of those little flips. Did I say Diane again? I said Diana though, right?
0:39.2	You said it right. Yeah. Okay. We've had an issue with me saying Diane. I don't know why I do that to Diana. She's a friend of mine. And I'm not trying to gaslight anyone here. That's just what happens. It's like when we call our kids the wrong names.
0:53.1	I feel like the older I get, my kids
0:55.2	actually now, they kind of expect me to be a little bit weird. But anyway, I wanted to,
1:00.3	what we're going to do today is focus on the things that the members inside of the kaleidoscope
1:06.8	had to say about gas lighting. And also, I just wanted to kind of piggyback off of how we
1:14.2	ended the last session where you were giving some examples of how we gaslight, how we can
1:22.1	gaslight ourselves. I thought of some ideas too. And they're just different. It's so interesting how you bring, the more people you bring to the table to talk about stuff,
1:31.3	the more ideas and the more ways that you can look at a situation.
1:36.2	But I was just thinking that when we're survivors who are dealing with gaslighting in our relationships, or maybe we grew up
1:48.6	with a lot of gas lighting in our homes, these are some sort of some things that I think we tend
1:53.1	to do. We can, I think, kind of fall under this category, idealizing the other person,
2:05.7	wanting or needing that person to admire and approve of us. And so we'll pretend, we're not pretending on purpose, but we are kind of fooling ourselves
2:12.5	into thinking that if we show up a certain way, that then this person is going to admire and approve of us.
2:18.5	And then we'll feel better about ourselves. Then we can accept ourselves. Then we can be happy.
2:25.5	Another thing is believing the other person or giving them credibility. I think we do that a lot.
2:32.9	I know I did. I wanted to believe the other person was gaslighting me,
2:38.2	but I wanted to believe that they weren't. I wanted to believe that they were telling me the
2:41.9	truth. I wanted to believe that what they said was credible. And when they were withholding
2:46.4	information from me, I wanted to believe that they were not doing that on purpose, that it was
	...

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