Can Anxious People Date Avoidants? We're Talking Attachment Styles

We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson

FlightStory

Relationships, Society & Culture, Leisure

4.7 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 16 April 2026

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Dr. Amir Levine dives deeper into the dynamics of attachment styles in relationships. He explains why anxious and avoidant individuals often find themselves stuck in a never-ending cycle, and how these patterns can impact the way we choose and connect with romantic partners. Amir offers insightful tools to help both anxious and avoidant types navigate their relationships more effectively, and shares how being with a secure partner can change the way we experience love. With practical advice and eye-opening truths, this episode uncovers the path to breaking free from destructive patterns and creating healthier, more secure connections. We’re Talking Attachment Styles with Dr. Amir Levine (Part Two) Follow me here: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk⁠ ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod⁠ Take the We Need To Talk quiz to discover your attachment style and get personalised episode recommendations: ⁠https://linkly.link/2g3t4⁠ Support Amir here: Website: ⁠https://linkly.link/2g2xk⁠ My Attachment Topography Calculator: ⁠https://linkly.link/2g2xl⁠ Secure at Waterstones https://linkly.link/2g8vz Enter 'Secure26' for 25% off (00:00) Intro (01:09) What Do Different Attachment Styles Look for in a Partner? (05:01) What Is the Gender Split on the Various Attachment Styles? (06:51) Is It a Problem Being in a Relationship With Someone Who Has the Same Attachment Style as You? (09:05) Dr Amir’s Tools for Changing Your Brain and Attachment Styles (13:41) Not Texting Back and Being Avoidant With Your Friends (15:00) The Myths Surrounding Attachment Styles (17:14) Having Different Attachment Styles With Various People in Your Life (19:29) Saily Ad (20:39) How Does Social Media Affect Attachment Styles? (23:03) Social Exclusion and Its Effect on the Brain (30:06) How to Set Expectations in Your Relationships Sponsored by: Saily - Download from the app store and use code WNTT at checkout for 15% off. For more details: https://saily.com/wntt ⛵ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Dr. Amir Levine, your book Secure, I was privileged enough to read, is also one of the most important books.
0:08.0	The whole thing of this book is devising tools to help the anxious and the avoidant.
0:15.0	How to navigate their social world better to create a secure, enriched environment.
0:20.0	So this resonates with me. I remember
0:22.6	reading that part of the book thinking, this is wild. Really what it looks like, what it really
0:27.6	requires is something that I've come to call. Hey there, before we begin the episode, I just want to say
0:35.2	thank you for choosing we need to talk. Doing this podcast
0:38.7	is one of the greatest joys of my life. And I want to continue to share it with you. So hit
0:44.3	follow and the bell icon. It takes just a second and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast.
1:09.2	Now, you said something also that I agree with, but help everyone with this. So was do avoidance look for other avoidance as romantic partners?
1:15.0	Do you're anxious, do you look for other people who are anxious?
1:17.5	Like, do secures look for secure?
1:20.0	How do we, who are we looking for?
1:24.3	So I personally believe that, and I know like maybe some people are going to have an issue with it, but that's my personal belief.
1:32.8	Just from understanding sort of biology, I think that we choose the people that we're attracted to.
1:43.2	And we don't know who they are.
1:44.7	And I think a lot of it has to do with much more rudimentary stuff,
1:48.4	like how they smell, what they look like.
1:52.0	I think it's much more that.
1:53.9	And then we find out who they are.
1:56.7	That's what I think.
1:58.2	But the studies actually show that oftentimes they don't really show who are you attracted to,
	...

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