Can a Narcissist Change Their Spots?

Trauma & Narcissism Redefined

Caroline Strawson

Narcissisticabuse, Health & Fitness, Narcissist, Self-improvement, Education, Recovery, Mental Health, Trauma

4.8 • 701 Ratings

🗓️ 25 May 2021

⏱️ 18 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This week we will answer a question that many people ask themselves after an abusive relationship - can a narcissist change their spots? We will dive deep into why those abused start doubting themselves, and understand why our narcissistic ex-partners seem happy and fulfilled in their new relationship.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we start doubting ourselves after breaking up with the narcissist

- How a narcissist's protective parts trigger a codependent's protective parts

- The two things to consider when a narcissist enters a new relationship

- What we can and what we cannot change about what happened to us in the past

Healing from narcissistic trauma doesn't happen instantly. It's about realising that the narcissist highlighted our core wounds and protective parts. The best thing we can do is stop looking at the narcissist and their new relationship, focus that lens on ourselves, take back our power, and do what we need to do to live our best life.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Welcome to the narcissistic abuse recovery podcast. I'm Caroline Stawson and I'll be sharing with you
0:09.2	awareness, understanding and education about the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse to help you thrive.
0:16.8	I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are now and I believe you.
0:21.4	And this show is all about taking you from trauma to transformation.
0:30.5	Can a narcissist actually changed their spots?
0:35.7	And this was something I thought as the title for this episode,
0:39.1	because I know certainly I thought that when I got married to a narcissist, obviously didn't
0:45.3	know that at the time. And when he spoke to me about his previous marriage and what had happened,
0:52.4	and he cheated in that marriage as well, but he gave
0:56.2	all of these excuses and reasons why that had happened. And I could kind of understand it.
1:01.8	You know, I was young, all of those things. It didn't feel right to me, if I'm honest,
1:06.8	even then, but because someone was telling me those excuses, those reasons, you kind of navigate your
1:13.3	way through all of that. So I want to talk about in this episode, you know, can a narcissist
1:18.0	actually ever change their spots? And I want to talk about it in the context of a relationship
1:23.5	because so many people, when they come out of a relationship with a narcissist, see them go on and go into another relationship with somebody else. And it looks like they're really, really happy. And all of a sudden, you're left thinking, is it me? And I don't know whether you could relate to that. I know I certainly did. You know, I certainly thought, my goodness, is this me? Then I had to keep checking
1:44.8	in with myself. Well, clearly not because there was somebody else, but it's still really hurt.
1:51.5	And all of my wounds were absolutely being activated in that moment. So can a narcissist actually
1:57.6	ever change their spots? Is it just this person who is trying to find their soulmate
2:02.4	and they are just waiting for that moment and the relationship that they are now in, which isn't you,
2:09.0	this is it. You know, they found their soulmate. They are happy now and it was everything else
2:14.6	before leading to them to that person. Well, the answer is no. A narcissist
2:19.8	will not change their spots. And I want to explain to you why that is the case, looking at it
	...

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