I know.

Hard to believe this is not AI.

Good evening, everyone.

So Jasmine Crockett's campaign reportedly once called the police on a CNN reporter.

It took them hours, however, because nobody knew the number for 911.

It's silly. The Democratic lawmaker in Minnesota, this one, claims porn sites could be educational

for queer children. Also educational, telling children, this is not a woman.

All right. In your face. A company that makes sex toys for men revealed that hackers stole the

names, emails, and past order details of customers.

You know, this is a great opportunity to remind you how common a name Greg Gutfeld is.

A Los Angeles TV station, KTLA, fired a veteran reporter on her 40th birthday.

We'd show you her picture.

But she's 40.

Oh.

It's a rule.

That's so funny.

FCC says he can't show women over 40.

Look it up.

In related news, Rosie O'Donnell's daughter, Chelsea, has been accused of assault after touching a man's genitals. She apparently never learned boundaries growing up watching farmers milk her mom.

Oh!

Three Chinese astronauts were stranded on a space station.

A fourth astronaut finally arrived just to slide a menu under the door.

...