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The Virtual Couch

Building Bridges, Not Walls: Exploring the Four Pillars of Connected Conversations

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5643 Ratings

🗓️ 13 July 2023

⏱️ 65 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tony Overbay, LMFT, delves into his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation and introduces the acronym BASE to help listeners better remember the pillars during conversations. He also shares a new "pre-pillar" or becoming more grounded before entering the 4 pillar framework. The "pre-pillar" is based on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, emphasizing the need to discern concrete observations from subjective judgments. The BASE acronym is Benefit of the Doubt, Accept Their Perspective, Seek First to Understand, and Embrace the Conversation. These foundational pillars, when applied, can revolutionize how we communicate, fostering deeper connections and healthier relationships. Tony concludes the episode by addressing the challenge of observing ineffective communication in others and providing insights on navigating these situations. Tune in and transform the way you converse and connect.To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch (https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch)Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorders, Dr. Michael Twohig will teach you the industry-standard treatment used by anxiety-treatment experts around the world. Through 6 modules of clear instruction and clinical demonstrations, you will learn how to create opportunities for clients to practice psychological flexibility in the presence of anxiety. After completing the course material, you'll have a new, highly effective anxiety treatment tool that can be used with every anxiety-related disorder, from OCD to panic disorder to generalized anxiety disorder.And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0 (https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0)Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384)Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop (http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop) to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com/) and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ (https://descript.com/?lmref=bSWcEQ)

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey, everybody. Welcome to episode 385 of the virtual couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed

0:06.3

marriage and family therapist, certified, mindful, have a coach, writer, speaker, husband, father,

0:10.6

four, and creator of the path back and online pornography recovery program that is helping people

0:15.5

reclaim their lives from turning to pornography as an unhealthy coping mechanism. But today,

0:20.4

I want to get right to the episode.

0:22.0

I want this to be one that will be a baseline episode to talk about couples communication

0:27.8

or communication in general using my four pillars.

0:31.9

So I want to start with a bit of a narrative, a story.

0:36.6

And this is an email that came in from two listeners. So let me

0:40.6

just dive in. The subject was our journey to connection and understanding. Thank you, Tony.

0:45.9

Dear Tony, we hope this email finds you well. We are Kent and Eliza. Those are not our real names.

0:51.2

A couple who were teetering on the edge of divorce after 25 years of marriage.

0:55.7

As strange as it might sound, we write to you today with joy in our hearts and gratitude

0:59.6

on our lips, your magnetic marriage course and the concepts within, without exaggeration,

1:05.2

has shaved, has shaved. I feel like I need to leave that in, has shaved our marriage,

1:09.7

but it has saved our marriage.

1:11.5

The rut we found ourselves in was deep and painful.

1:14.2

Over the years, our dreams of a beautiful future together had become masked with the drudgery

1:18.4

of everyday life.

1:19.4

We were stuck in an endless loop of we will be happy when, continuously pushing our

1:23.6

happiness into a seemingly unattainable future.

1:26.6

After a quarter of a century of growing

...

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