This weekend only experience the chills, thrills and skills of Crabapple's largest

operatic techno festival, the Polyoligon Ultra Fest is back and hotter than ever.

Seriously, it's going to be 95 degrees, so pack your party wagon, grab your fanny pack, and put on your best sparkle tutu,

because this three-day fest has it all.

Ah, yeah.

With headlining sets by DJ Sex Puppet, Nickelmixa featuring Toddle Pocket,

Italy's shortest operatic techno singer Rigatoni,

and one very special late night set by saxophone beatmaster, poodles.

Poodle!

Plus, exciting performances from Mike McCroney and his fire-breathing dance ponies.

Jill the Go-Go Clown Lady.

Dirty Dave in his amazing flying Bible beaters.

And tantra prostate massages by hand magician Raphael.

Three long sweaty days and three never-ending smelly nights glamping with thousands of overly friendly strangers.

You'll be hungry and tired by day, frustrated and dirty by night.

Free water from the community hose and two communal showers.

You'll be wishing you had booked that expensive hotel.

And new for this year's festival, free yoga, provided by the misguided youth stretchers,

an art market with over 30 artists pedaling terrible art they bought on TeamU.

And plenty of food from random food trucks, no inspector has ever had time to inspect.

Your tummy will be begging for more or begging for the door.

So go to REI and buy an expensive tent you can't set up.

...