Hello and welcome to another episode of IWave with Jemida Jamil. How are you? I'm...

I'm technically fine, but I am depressed. I mean, like literally depressed. And my depression

comes and goes all the time. You've watched me kind of go through a wave of, uh,

like a roller coaster over the last year and a half and I would say I've made quite a lot of

progress, but even when you make loads of progress, even when you have loads of therapy, you still

just have really dark times and you can't predict them and you cannot control them. But what you

have to remember is that you've gotten up before and you will get up again. You will rise once more

and that every time you fall, you have more tools each time to pick yourself back up. And so I am

trying to do what I would do with any of you and remind myself of that that yes, I may have taken

a few steps backwards, but that doesn't eradicate all of the work I've done and all of the ways in which

I know I have the power to make myself feel better. But Halloween was fucking hard,

because I mean, I just had panic attacks every time I was asked to even leave the house. Anytime I

was invited to a party, I would have a literal anxiety attack and then watching Instagram, which I

know is Bollocks, but really it was intense in the last week. Everyone having the energy to create

like all these creative costumes and all this makeup and hair and everyone looked like they were

having so much fun and they were dancing. And mostly it just looked like they were just fine.

Just post pandemic, absolutely fine with socialising with hundreds of people,

fine with dancing, with being a quote unquote normal person. I made me feel like a Martian.

And it went on for so long. People are still posting their pictures of Halloween from last week

and because we haven't had Halloween last year. So I think there's just like they finally have

not sound gross. I think some people are doing it because they genuinely just had loads of

lovely memories, but I feel like so many people got quote unquote content last weekend and they're

...