Scotch cards. The most worldly and humble of the lesser gambles. Although I'm far from

being one of the people here inexplicably and tragically addicted to them, Scotch cards

they maintain a power over me. I like them. There's a particular method of playing

a Scotch card which goes far beyond the simple physical act of searching for gold beneath

the layer of coarse lead text, scarring away at that greatest gumball of possibility.

Now, the correct, the only way to play a Scotch card is to adhere with fearsome loyalty

to the cold well system of gambling. Which I will now describe. Firstly, you must buy a Scotch

card only as an impulse when buying other things. Arriving one day at the checkout with your

hands full of milk, bacon, chili-coded peanuts. Your glance absin't mindedly at the stand of

colorful cards. You'll be immediately checking with the intense feeling that you're alive and

that nobody can stop you and that nobody can stop you from winning everything. Although,

well that's not to say that you feel confident. Now it's a feeling that's more

wistful and playful in nature than confidence. It's not the reason that what you're feeling

is a sense of fiatfulness. If you're any atheist, this is the closest you'll ever come to

detecting Providence in your life, so put down your milk for a moment.

Now the decision comes. Which card to choose?

It's a simple matter. Don't make the common mistake of believing that the five

pines Scotch cards in some way superior to the two pines Scotch cards, it's more honourable than

the one pines Scotch card. This is wrong. All Scotch cards were made equal, except the ones with

money in them, which have been very rich. The people that create these Scotch cards.

These people, they have the most beautiful name, the Scientific Games Corporation.

It's a beautiful name because such a name is one more glinting jewel of evidence that we live

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