Breaking the Cycle of Men’s Sexual Anxiety, with Kate Moyle
ManTalks Podcast
Connor Beaton
4.8 • 598 Ratings
🗓️ 27 July 2026
⏱️ 66 minutes
🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
**SHOW NOTES**
Why does sex become more difficult the more we care about someone? In this conversation, I sit down with psychosexual and relationship therapist Kate Moyle to unpack the psychology behind performance anxiety, modern sexual culture, and why so many men feel pressure to perform instead of connect.
We explore how stress, distraction, shame, relationship dynamics, and unrealistic expectations affect intimacy, along with practical ways to build healthier communication, confidence, and connection in the bedroom. Whether you're navigating anxiety around sex or simply want a deeper understanding of intimacy, this conversation offers practical insights grounded in both science and clinical experience.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 – Introducing Kate Moyle
00:20 – What a Psychosexual Therapist Does
02:56 – Is Modern Sexual Culture Broken?
05:52 – Performance vs Presence in Sex
08:13 – Why Anxiety Shows Up During Intimacy
11:08 – Changing Gender Roles and Sexual Expectations
13:46 – The Biopsychosocial Model Explained
15:04 – Everyday Stressors That Affect Sex
18:29 – Creating the Conditions for Great Sex
22:06 – Porn, Media and Unrealistic Expectations
26:13 – Why Communication Is Essential for Great Sex
29:57 – Attunement Over Performance
31:30 – Pleasure vs Performance
35:57 – Understanding Unreliable Erections
38:29 – The Psychology of Performance Anxiety
46:41 – Breaking the Anxiety Cycle
53:35 – Addressing Shame Around Sexual Performance
56:52 – Masculinity, Potency and Self-Worth
59:26 – When Relationship Issues Affect Intimacy
01:03:13 – Where to Find Kate Moyle
***
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | All right, Kate, welcome to the man talk show. How are you doing today? I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Thanks for having me on. |
| 0:12.4 | Of course. I'm looking forward to this. I think it's going to be very useful for a lot of people. Let's just start with a simple question. How do you describe your work when you're out of dinner party? |
| 0:24.2 | People either really want to talk to me at a dinner party or they don't want to be talked to me at all. |
| 0:28.4 | They're either thrilled or super, super disappointed to be sat next to me. |
| 0:32.6 | So basically, I am a psychosexual therapist, which means that I am a talking therapist who specialises in sex and relationship issues. |
| 0:41.4 | But I'm separately qualified as a relationship and psychosexual therapist, but psychosexual therapy is where I do the bulk of my work. |
| 0:49.1 | And I think that we have lots of different understandings of what like sex therapy might mean, |
| 0:55.8 | but it is a specific specialist branch of talking psychotherapy. |
| 1:01.7 | Beautiful. |
| 1:02.7 | And what, you know, I've kind of dug into some of your stuff and it looks like you've got a good |
| 1:07.0 | split of like 50-50 men, 50 percent women. |
| 1:11.2 | What are a lot of the men actually coming to see you about? |
| 1:15.1 | And when they come to see you about those issues, |
| 1:18.5 | what is it sort of telling you about what's happening with men in general? |
| 1:23.1 | Oh, that's such a good question. |
| 1:24.6 | I think there's so, for me, there's so much learning that we can take |
| 1:29.0 | about what happens in the therapy room to outside of the therapy room. I think the biggest |
| 1:34.4 | number one point is that the fact that to talk about these issues and difficulties, people need |
| 1:41.2 | to come to a private, confidential, ethically governed space |
| 1:44.9 | where they know that it's confidential, that it's protected and boundaries in terms of that. |
| 1:53.3 | That for me, the biggest reflection is that because we haven't got these conversations right |
| 1:57.0 | outside of a space like that, in terms of the most common presenting issues, changes to |
... |
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