If I told you that the way you grew up, your family situation, your environment, all of it,

had an enormous impact on who you are today, you'd probably say, well, yeah, obviously.

You don't need a psychology degree to connect those dots.

But what if I told you that the way you grew up might be the most significant

influence on your romantic relationships as an adult? On some level, this may not be all

that surprising either, since who we are as individuals determines who we are as partners or spouses.

How could it not?

Still, even if the basic idea here is clear enough,

I'm not sure most of us appreciate just how much the past influences our present.

The reality is that so much of our personality, how we think, what we expect from other people,

what we expect from ourselves, is shaped very early by the people we love and rely on the most.

So if you want to understand why you do what you do or why you often don't do what you wish you did,

it helps to look back at your life and find the roots of these patterns.

I'm Shawnee Ling and this is the gray area.

My guest today is Vienna Farron.

She's a couple's therapist who's developed a pretty large following on social media. And she's just published her first book called The Origins of You,

how breaking family patterns can liberate the way we live and love.

This book is an attempt to force us to look closely at our own origins story,

to reflect on where we came from, and how those experiences color who we are in our relationships today.

Farron's book landed on my desk at an interesting moment for me.

I'm married and have a very young son, and like everyone else, I'm navigating all the challenges

that this entails.

...