You know, I've been working with men for almost a decade now, and I have had the honor of working

with Dr. Robert Glover on numerous occasions. I've had him on my show. He's become a good friend of

mine. And we've talked about the evolution of nice guys over the years. And one of the things

that I've really started to notice time and time again is that if

you want to break free from being a nice guy, number one, you have to know that it's not going to be

easy. But number two, there are some very specific fundamental things that you can do in order to

make that happen. And the first thing, the very first thing that I see most

men failing at is that they are trying to use complaints, judgments, criticisms, passive aggressiveness

in order to get what they want, in order to get their needs met. And so the first thing that

you have to be willing to do as a man to break

free of the nice guy syndrome to break out of this shell that if you're just nice, if you're never

offensive, if you're never abrasive, if you disconnect from your anger entirely, if you just

give her whatever she wants, whatever she wants it, that somehow that'll come

back in return, right, that you'll get your needs met by simply giving her everything that she wants.

I remember working with a client and he had been married for about 20 years. And in one of the

sessions, I said, how do you think that you as a man are supposed to get

your needs met in your marriage? And he sat there for a moment and he thought about it and he said,

I think what I've been doing, I don't know if this is right or not, but I think what I've been doing

is operating on the assumption that if I meet all of her needs all the time, right, if I buy her the flowers and make

the dinner and cook up, you know, clean up after the kids and like make her life super easy,

then she'll give me what I want in return. And I was like, oh, man. And then I was like,

okay, so your perspective is that you should give her everything that she needs, everything that she wants, and then she's going to give you that back in return. And he's like, yes. And I said, okay, and what happens when she doesn't do that? Then how do you get your needs met? Right? If she doesn't meet your needs after you've done all of those things, then how do you get what you want in the relationship? And he thought about it for a moment. And he's like, I complain about it. And I criticize her. And I judge her. And I tell her what she's doing wrong. And I complain that she's not giving me what I want. And I was like, okay. So you revert to acting like a child. You revert to acting like a child.

...