If the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say this was their finest hour.

BRB, UK, worst teeth, better accents.

Hello, hello, and indeed a hoi-hoi andhoi and if you're Tim Hibs, cough, cough, if you're Coleman, cough-cough, and, um, nice, lovely.

You're going to have people running away from the radio.

Anyway, I'm Dan, I'm your host.

Welcome to BeRBUK, this episode 384.

I've been back after two weeks.

I'm now back rather after two weeks of self-isolation.

No, I wasn't really self-isolating.

I just work had gone crazy as a result of COVID.

I am fine.

I haven't been called to the front lines because it's too long since I've seen a patient, apparently. So I'm doing what I can in other ways, such as being community support to these two. Tim, say hello. Hello. And Cole, man, it's time for your medicine. Nice. Hi! Sorry, I'm just going to put this up front.

One, I don't have coronavirus. Two, I'm not going to be coughing throughout the entire show as a joke. That joke is done now. Yeah, I did wonder, are you just going to just communicate via coughs for the whole show? So if you could get away with it. One cough for yes, two coughs for no. Probably if you cough enough, there's a little chance

A bit of poop might come out.

Whoa!

I mean, it happens at that age, I hear. I know, right? There's other reasons, really. But, you know, something to do with a lax sphincter. Dan, I have need of your medical expertise. Okay, all right, bear in mind it's considered not good enough for the GMZ to call me back to the front line.

So, you know, all bets are off. Bring it on. Well, no, no, no. As I have alluded to on Twitter throughout the week, I'm ill at the moment, which is, you know, it's a worrying time to be ill. I do believe that I just, just have a cold. It feels that way to me.

Like, I am very much bunged up.

I don't have the fever and the...

Night fever.

The persistent cough that they talk about.

Right.

...