This is a global player original podcast.

So here we are thundering towards Christmas like Clark Griswold

on a freshly polished dustbin lid

in National Lampoon's Christmas vacation.

Remember that?

Easy.

Of course.

A secret guest, secret guest.

Our blood pressure is sky high, the panic is real

and we've already spent all the money we don't have.

But don't panic because hopefully your time listening to this podcast

will give you some brief respite from the madness.

Now, I am afraid to say, Turbo Banana, Mr. Malteseer eyes, aka Fanny DeVito, could not be with us today.

He is lost in the fog on a supernatural oil rig wearing a boiler suit, taking part in some advanced pretending, we like to call it.

So he's asked me to send you some festive greetings.

At least I think that's what he was saying.

Let's be honest.

All you hear is Hangway Gog's podcast, I, Christmas, in some kind of order.

But never fear.

In the absence of one national treasure, we've secured another to fill his size five boots.

She happens to be one of the best presenters Scotland's produced in the last 25 years,

maybe 30 years. I was trying to be polite. Unfortunately, older than that. She's such a familiar

...