You know the thing and no one picked up your thing

And so you buried the thing

That's not the end of the thing

Don't you like eyes yet there's a spooky surprise

And though you cannot revise

And nothing ever really dies.

It is Max Fund Drive, and we are bringing you something very special this year. We're going to bring you the top five funniest dead pilot openings in Dead Pilot Society history. This top five was arrived at by a very scientific polling method, the Dead Pilot Society team,

which is me,

my co-producer Ben Blacker,

and our associate producer,

Britt Rubbisho.

We all voted for our top 10 funniest pilot openings

from the vast library

of 100 and, I don't know how many,

25, 140 dead pilots

that we've done on the show. We tabulated the results and we can now

reveal the top five. Actually, top six, because there was a tie for fifth place. But before I

reveal the two pilots in the number five slot, I need to remind you that this podcast only exists because listeners like you support it. And I know

there are so many of you listening who are not yet members. We are doing this top five,

partly to remind you of how many great shows we have brought back to life for this podcast.

No one else does this but us. I can tell you that others have tried. No one has pulled it off.

This is the only place that you get this. We're the only people that do it. If you want to support a

...