Now it's time for real time 2.0.

Your task to listen in behind the scenes

to the real time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Well let's get right to the big news. The present has declared war on Nordstrom.

This is very... and then to make matters worse, Kellyanne Conway, his work wife, she...

Well that's okay, that's a thing people have.

She goes on Fox News and says go buy Ivanka stuff, go buy it everybody.

So next Thanksgiving when your right wing uncle shows up in a floral print sheath dress,

you'll know why. So yeah so anyway Kellyanne Conway violated the law.

There is a ban against a federal employee using public office to endorse a product.

Even though every time Donald Trump opens his mouth it's a huge ad for Prozac, Abilify, Zola, Paxel, Lexifer,

and that penis pump that adds interest to your car.

I mean we have actual issues we should be talking about in the daily briefing about our security.

That Yemen raid that went fucking south last week, giant cluster fuck,

and now it turns out Trump was convinced to make this raid because the generals told him Obama would never do it.

What a way to govern.

Hey Kellyanne, give me a complete list of things my prices of thought were too stupid to consider, right?

But that's the bad news. Donald Trump is our president.

The good news is that he is raising awareness about mental health issues and that is so important.

So important.

And I haven't even started on this week's outright lies and delusions.

Like Trump said, the media covers up terrorist attacks.

...