Hello and welcome to this episode of Athletico Passnips.

Imagine being outdoors in the grounds of a stately home on a hot July evening.

You and a group of close friends are readying yourselves for a performance of some of the

most well-loved pieces from the world of classical music.

You have alcohol and a picnic and the conversation is witty and easy going.

You feel as though you are in a temporary respite from a fast-paced stresses of everyday

life.

But then a squat T-sider waddles into your eye line.

He's dressed like a charity shop hitler and is moning painfully like a wounded animal.

He's brandishing a carrier bag full of handwritten leaflets which he claims a programme in his

offering handfuls of peanuts and within the front layer of his shorts.

No one dares look at him let alone challenge him.

The heavens open and rain begins to pour.

Please welcome our co-host, Mr. Poppot.

With your squinting pig eyes, oh Mr. Robert, Britain's favourite harbours, oh Mr. Mortimer,

could you be any short enough, oh Christ almighty, why have you come in a nighty?

Very nice.

None of that was some of it was true.

Very nice indeed.

That was a lovely introduction there.

So did you stay in hotel last night?

I came down to London because you tell me, where do you live again?

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