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I like to start with something funny and I heard about this country grandmother.

She'd go out on her front porch every morning and thank the Lord for another day.

Her neighbor didn't believe in God.

He'd shout back, there's no such thing as the Lord.

One day, he overheard her asking God to give her groceries for the week.

He snuck over the next morning, put some groceries on her porch.

She came out and said, thank you, Lord, you did it again.

He laughed and laughed and said, God didn't give you those groceries.

I put them there.

She said, Lord, thank you.

You not only brought me the groceries, but you made the devil pay for them.

All right. Say it like you mean it.

This is my Bible.

I am what it says I am.

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