Well, hello there, my friends. Welcome to Troubled Waters. The show that treats popular culture

is the most important kind of culture because it is the one that bums us out the least.

Now, in the before times, Troubled Waters would pit two teams of comedians against one another

in a pop culture battle royale. You remember. But now, teaming up with another person who's not

in your quarantine pod

is possibly lethal, definitely more frowned upon than trying to imply potatoes don't have gender.

So, for now, it is one comic against another. And to win this battle, each comic will be called

upon to use their smarts, their rhetorical skills, the great

comebacks they've been writing down in a moleskin notebook during lockdown to earn the coveted

troubled waters title, Pundit Emeritus.

The PE title automatically gives a person's opinion on, let's say, coming to America, more

weight than a civilians. You're listening to troubled waters. You know, I enjoyed coming to America.

I interviewed Arsenio Hall.

And so, and they sent me a coming to America. I interviewed Arsenio Hall, and they sent me a coming to America.

Swag.

Barber shop kit with like a trimmer and a cocktail shaker, which I don't know what that has to do with a barbershop, but I'll take it.

And this fun little manicure set.

Okay.

So you're pretty easy to... Yeah, you're pretty easy to buy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm absolutely easy to buy off.

...