Hi, my name is Billy Eichner and I feel...

Over the God damn moon about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

That's the angriest anyone's ever said that.

How you feeling today?

Oh, but the God damn moon!

I am so fucking grateful.

Thanks for throwing me a bowl.

A crumb.

Follows me here and now, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking leaves,

Climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell you that we are gonna be friends.

I can tell you that we are gonna be friends.

Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend and never ending quest to find someone

who will meet with me outside of a podcast studio and share a bowl of soup.

Everyone in here, if you notice this, everybody in here talks a good game.

That much happens outside the podcast studio and the times that I reach out, well, let's just say, I don't hear much back.

Really, there have been a couple of times where you've actually had a thing with the guest like,

I'm really gonna talk to you, I'm gonna go out to dinner and that kind of thing and those have not happened.

Yeah, exactly.

There's something I learned in the old late night game, I'd get fooled because it would welcome the guest

and the guest would come out, the star would come out and it'd lock eyes with me and smile and embrace me

and sit and hang on every word.

And those are all the cues that you get in high school when someone really likes you.

...