Greetings, fellow citizens. This is fake Mayor Mike Duggan with an important public service announcement.

There is absolutely no doubt about it. The No BS News Hour is 100% on point and accurate,

which is why I, fake Mike, implore you to completely ignore it. I mean seriously people, why waste an hour of your

precious week listening to hard-hitting facts that expose the real truth when you could be

attending any one of my 67 weekly press conferences and ribbon cuttings? So remember, if you

want the straight bullshit, come see me. And if you want no bullshit, you can listen and watch that other guy on the No BS News Hour.

Which is why I'm here to remind you, avoid, ignore, simply do whatever it takes to stay just the way I like you bamboozled.

Live in downtown Detroit, it's No PS Newsout, with my main man,

Scarlene Lodagh!

Go for shit!

To now, Merry Christmas, everybody, from atop the historic American Coney Island building in the heart of downtown Detroit at Michigan and Lafayette.

You know it's the originator, the home, the only Coney Dog to be had.

Go nowhere else.

Go nowhere else.

Or you can go to American Coney Island.com and have him delivered to your door.

Isn't better.

Right? Yeah. But let me make a correction there. I'm not even here. This isn't live. It's the holidays. I don't want to be here. Wait, am I here? We're not here. No bullshit, don't lie. They're right. We're not here. Working red.

So, Mark, take me out of here.

Take me away.

Make me this all. No bullshit, don't lie. They're right. We're not here. Working red. So, Mark, take me out of here.

Take me away.

Make me dissolve.

...