If you're like me, a triple threat of both brains, boobs, and bangs, there's no reason on God's green earth you shouldn't have a line of suitors knocking down your door trying to get a bite of your tasty pie.

Here's how I went from single and sad to snagging your dad.

Wink! Step one, put out a personal ad.

Something like single female with a penchant for ranch dips, looking for a man with kind eyes

and fat little toes.

On this episode of the commercial break.

Hey Queens, it's your producer, Christina.

Ryan and Chrissy are on vacation and they have left me to fend for myself, which I find very rude.

So that is why you are hearing my lovely beautiful fantastic voice.

I know you missed me and you're welcome.

So I figured that since last week we had the distinct pleasure of a John Anthony video breakdown and today is

Friday after all yahaw I think that we should go back in time to some early John

Anthony because I know some of you are new

some of you might not have had the chance to hear the absolute drivel coming out of

John Anthony's mouth. So let's take a little journey back through time and have John Anthony, my

enemy, my personal nemesis teach us how to date a stripper.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

It's been a lot. It's been a hot man.

Fun. Well, let me get to it. I'm trying to give like a pregnant pause there and please

don't be pregnant. No more children. It's been a while since we checked in on our boy John Anthony lifestyle.

John Anthony lifestyle has been an amazing ride for us.

We have not, he's not Frankie B level, he's certainly not Teresa Capuda level, he hasn't

...