Hey, friend of Jerry Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. And now, this is the moment you've all been waiting for! Standing five feet for it's just all. Way in at 185 pounds!

Fighting!

Out of the funny papers, New Jersey presenting From Raining, Defending Undiscuted Podcast Champion of the World, Jersey, the! Jerry! Um, we're supposed to have a special, special guest join the show. Um, NFL, Titan, for the Raiders, Darren Waller. I was reading an article and I was like, is this really true? Um, so you're drafted by the Ravens. Um, and... I read an article and I was like is this really true? So you're drafted by the Ravens and I read an article that said like when you got drafted you weren't even happy you got drafted because you knew you had a problem and you didn't even address it yet. So what was that like sitting there you get drafted it should be the happiest day of your life and it turns out out that you didn't even know if you wanted to play football. Yeah, I just felt like this black cloud of just like fear and guilt kind of following me. Everywhere that I went, just because it's like, oh, I'm supposed to be this. I'm supposed to be happy and all this, but I'm like, you know, I've really just been doing everything

that I've been doing up to this point

for to please other people and to fit this image of, oh, this is what I should be doing and be successful. And then at some point I'll be happy, but you know, I was just, I didn't want to necessarily be there. It wasn't pure. It was just like, oh, I've gotten this far, so I gotta keep going

because I really wanted to quit and just, you know,

just gotta go away from the world, but,

that's the- it wasn't pure. It was just like, oh, I've gotten this far. So I got to keep going because I really wanted to quit and just, you know, just kind of go away from the world. But, but, and you, and did you have a problem with drugs or alcohol at this point? Yes. So, yes, very serious problem. How, how bad was it? 2015? How bad was it for you? Um, I mean, the draft, you know, I wasn't even really excited. I mean, just that, just that day, I mean, I was just up in my room, um, just popping Xanx and drinking coromas. I remember that exact day, you know, my parents were downstairs. They were kind of keeping track of the draft, but I was up in my room and I was fighting I was like, oh man, I'm gonna go on drafts, but then it was like, you know, I don't need really want to get drafted in the first place.

It was just all these- air kind of keeping track of the draft, but I was up in my room and I was fighting these thoughts like, oh man, I'm gonna go and draft it, but then it was like, you know, I don't even really want

to get drafted in the first place. So there's just all these, always been conflicting thoughts that just, you know, get so loud in my head, I just want to just get them out anyway that I can. Okay, and now at that point, are you like fuck this? I'm done. I don't even care about football.

I just want to pretty much keep getting fucked up or how was that what was that feeling like?

Yeah, so I mean, this is how you really know that alcohol is a place because you know The level of self sabotage is just elite like I tore my I tore my labor in my shoulder with like a month to go my second season Mm-hmm And I was really well already like I'm about to be done with this something else like I I can't be done. I can just fail every joke test from this point on and they can kick me out instead of me saying that I don't want to play football anymore. And you know, because I always fear what people thought if I didn't play football anymore. So I was just like, I'm just going to just make a lead put me out of my own misery from there. And June just like I had predicted I was gone. I mean you died You you you died in a grocery store parking lot and like look where you're at today, man It's it's crazy. Do you ever like? Like say to yourself like holy shit like like dude you are One of the best tight ends in football and it's not even debatable like how does that make you feel today that like you had that story and on all this adversity you face now today you wake up you look in the mirror and it's like holy shit dude like I'm top three tight end in the NFL like and it's not even debatable it's pretty it pretty crazy. It's still hard for me to wrap my mind around just from all the things that I've done and been through, you know, to kind of throw it all the way, but for it to still be a reality today is honestly, honestly crazy, you know, I don't even, I still don't really feel like I've fully processed it and I don't even know if I ever will. Yeah, you know, I definitely definitely grateful and I try to be intentionally grateful every single day. What's it like now? You're your teammate, Max, Max Crosby. You guys are on the same exact team. You guys struggled in the past with with addiction and what's it like having another guy on the on the same exact team as you essentially have a very similar story to you and I'll be honest there's not I'm sure there's other players in the NFL that aren't open as open as you guys about you know addiction and what it's what it's like and how you change your life around and what's it like having him on the same team as you? Like do you guys ever talk about like stuff in your past like and how it how it was and what it's like today? Do you guys you know hang out and talk about that stuff? Yeah man, just having maximum team is just like it's just proof that you know being, be invulnerable and being self-aware

and just going deep, like looking deep inside of yourself at what you, at what may need to change, like that is what can free you up to be the best version of yourself. You know, I feel like there's a lot of time, like nobody really wants to do that. It's not a comfortable thing to do. For sure. that, it's not uncomfortable. It like I say elevates you to a place where you don't feel as way down by any, the guilt of the thing that you've done and the shame and regret and things like that. Like your spirit is literally free. And you can really reach your full potential from there as long as you stay in that spiritual work and so just looking at Max and what he does is this is looking

over it's like it's proved that it still works you know exactly yeah it does

man it does definitely still works um do you think do you think Max to cover

you no way right man I'm talking Max just to take the password and he's raising

hell in the pocket yet dude yeah dude yet unbelievable year man you had a great

year as well

Darren. I'm here with Max Crosby Max thanks for coming on and also congratulations new deal new house baby girl on the way so congrats to you man. Yes sir I appreciate you man thanks for having me on. Yeah man for sure so I've been I've been following you for like the last I don't know, I'd say close to a year now and it, you know, your story is so inspiring.

We've had your teammate, Darren Waller, on the show, which was awesome. He was a great guest. Before I get into the story, I want to read you some stats here. If you can tell me the player, that'd be great. You came to the league in 2019, right? Sorry. All right, most QB sacks since 2019, most quarterback hits since 2019, most tackles for loss since 2019, most force fumble since 2019. Who's that player? Teaser. He got it got it! I was hoping he'd say himself. Hey, so who do you look up to him? I see you got this sobriety chain. Looks like a pretty expensive chain. Not going to ask you how much, but it's a beautiful chain. I actually asked my jeweler to make something similar to that and I just can't afford it. But the sobriety chains legit, it's awesome. Like I said, we had Darren Waller on him, he was a great guest. How do you guys talk about this kind of stuff, the sobriety stuff, and what you guys went through? Like, because you guys are on the same team. Do you guys ever have conversations like that? Yeah, you know me and Darren obviously we've been teammates ever since I got in the lead. So just being around him, you know my rookie year, I wasn't sober, I was partying doing my thing. So that was towards the end of my run. So I kind of, you know, it's crazy how things work out and I truly believe things happen for a reason. You know, just being able to see him and his story and how it took his career down a whole other pathway, you know, that's something I looked up to him even when I couldn't even see it myself. So, yeah, you know, having guys like that in the locker room is incredible. And yeah, like me and Darren, we're in the same meeting every Tuesday together and, oh nice, you to a meeting together. Yeah, we go to

a meeting every Tuesday and you know we talk about stuff all the time you know it's not just a variety we've talked about life in general and for sure you know he's a he's a great dude so yeah having him around is been incredible. You're in you're in contention like with all the reporters and stuff out there all the numbers say hey this guy's in contention it'd be one of the best that's defensive players and football.

...