Bertie and the Magic Seal.

Dedicated to Abba and Arm.

This is a story about a moochie growly,

bad-tempered old fish called Colin the Carb.

Colin lived in a pond at the bottom of the garden,

belonging to a royal palace.

I would like to say it was an ornamental pond,

but in fact it was all covered in weed and slime,

because the palace gardener did not enjoy cleaning it up.

Just look at the state of this pond, Colin Grumbald.

And look at the gardener sitting under a tree

transfixed by his phone, people these days.

Don't know how to put in a day's work.

A young tadpole whose name was Tim asked him,

dear old Uncle Colin, why did you complain about the slime so much?

I'm not your uncle, and I don't like slime because it's slimy.

Grouched back Colin.

But it's delicious, squeal Tim, and all the waterfowl,

which is a posh word for ducks, geese and swans,

honked and quacked and tweeters to say how much they appreciated the green slime,

because extremely slimy slime is even more tasty to eat than plain old radioactive slime.

That comes in a big tin and they serve up at school lunch.

...