Coming to you from Oklahoma, the center of the United States and nay, the universe. It's the political orphanage, the BBC for the exhausted majority.

I'm your host Andrew Heaton, and I'm back in America.

And probably heading to Burning Man tomorrow.

That sounds like something I would do.

Go hang out in a desert for a week at an arts festival?

Sign me up, except for the heat. Anyway, I'll probably be over there if you need me.

Today's show is sponsored by Guard Donkeys from Steel Clop Securities the best way to guard your home, junkyard, or bank for burglars.

Listen, we all love dogs. Dogs are great, but can we admit they're not actually very good at guarding stuff?

If a Ninja broke into your house, your dog would bark and make noise, up until the Ninja gave

him baloney, then he'd love the Ninja without question forever.

Even the most ferocious Pit Bull is easily distracted by a stick.

And if you wrap that stick in baloney, you could murder that pit bull's family and sell the organs on eBay.

Pit bull wouldn't even care.

I guess you could hire a private security guard if you're a Rockefeller security guards are expensive

plus and I'm not entirely sure about this but I'm reasonably confident that if you hire

a private security guard on your property, you're not allowed to walk around naked anymore.

I think it's a union rule or something.

I say that because whenever I go naked strolling through my own neighborhood,

there's a private security guard named Mitch and he gets really angry.

Same with mall cops.

Mall cops are just farm team private security and they hate naked people.

Maybe, oh, I don't know, you can get a security camera, right? That seems inexpensive.

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