This is Hidden Brain, I'm Shankar Vedantam.

When you take the wrong turn off the highway

or fumble a presentation at work,

do you get mad at yourself for making a mistake?

Do you silently kick yourself or maybe actually kick yourself?

Self-criticism is often seen as heroic, maybe even noble.

Many people think it's the shortest path to self-improvement.

But is it?

The belief that we need to be hard on ourselves, criticize ourselves,

to succeed or reach our goals or make a change

is actually the number one block to self-compassion we found in the research.

People are afraid that they're kind to themselves,

they just won't get anything done.

This week on Hidden Brain,

the story of a psychologist who learned to stop beating up on herself

and how you can convert your harsh inner critic into a friend.

People who are more self-compassionate take more responsibility for their mistakes.

They're more conscientious and more likely to apologize.

Ironically, even though the word self is in self-compassion,

when you take that approach, it actually means you don't have to be so self-focused.

Christian Neff's father left the family when she was a very small child.

It was the late 1960s and he decided he was going to be a hippie.

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