We are receiving for the first time.

And, uh,

receiving this message.

We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick.

We speak to you from our present, which we can only assume is your distant past,

the turbulent time that was the early 21st century. Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization,

we began this monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge.

These recordings represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

So whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology

to decrypt our transmissions, this is our legacy to you.

This is our time capsule. This is the omnibus. You have accessed. You have accessed entry 094.D.E.1501. Certificate number 32691.

Balloon Man.

Balloon Man.

Do you decorate for your kids' parties when they were growing up?

Did you, like, put on, it seems like you would?

Yeah, Mindy's kind of an overachiever.

We just had an 18th birthday to celebrate.

So that was a big thing.

That had like stringing lights.

Previously only done to honor our Lord every December.

Do you ever put up lights for any other holiday but Christmas? We're not a Halloween decorating household. Well, in a very limited way we are. Is it because of Satan or something else?

The night of demons and so forth? Yeah, yeah. No, we love Satan. We're just lazy. Like so many Satanists,

...