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Hello, I am the penis of William Gallas, and as this is episode number 69, I suspect you

are waiting for some kind of joke about the oral sex to get things started, but you will

be disappointed. I will not lower myself to make the joke about the swath on nuff, instead

I will look ahead to the next task, because we all know what comes after 69. That's right.

Mouthwash.

It is good Friday, not that it is very much good about it, all the pubs here in Ireland

are closed, which is far from good, it is quite the opposite, it's bad. And I never understood

why good Friday was particularly good for Jesus, either, that old being nailed to a cross

thing, that's not good, I know he died for our sins and stuff, but if I was Jesus, I would

have said, let those fuckers have their sins, and they can go to hell, which is probably why I

didn't get the part of Jesus when I auditioned that time. Anyway, coming up on this action packed

arse cast, we have got for you a chat with Amy Lawrence, who talks about our recent form,

the Champions League, and the game against Chelsea coming up, but we have got the man in the bar,

with another player history as per usual, Ibuwe is here, Emmanuel Adi Bioris here, and of course

there's a few other bits and pieces, as per usual, so what have we got to talk about? Well, we

could talk about my beer, which is, oh, my beer is empty, have you seen it? No good, hang on, I'll be

right back, get another beer, one second, and I'm back, another beer, God, look, listen, listen,

see you can hear the difference, can't you? Between a full one and an empty one, so if you're ever

put in a room and blindfolded and asked to choose between the empty bottle of beer and the full bottle

...