Are Your Desires Really Yours? How to Recognize and Reclaim What You Truly Want with Luke Burgis
The One You Feed
Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed
4.6 • 2.5K Ratings
🗓️ 24 October 2025
⏱️ 52 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, Luke Burgis explores the question, “Are your desires really yours?” and how to recognize and reclaim what you truly want. He discusses how to tell the difference between “thin desires (fleeting, imitated wants) and “thick desires” (the deeper longings that bring lasting fulfillment), and why discerning between the two can change the direction of your life. Luke also shares practices for uncovering your true hierarchy of values, creating alignment between what you want and who you want to be. Explore how to pivot from “I don’t want to” to “I do want to, I just dono’t feel like it” and how to feed the desires that lead to meaning instead of comparison or regret.
Exciting News!!!
Coming in March, 2026, my new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life is now available for pre-orders!
Key Takeaways:
- Exploration of the concept of mimetic desire and its origins in the work of René Girard.
- Discussion on how desires are often imitative and influenced by others rather than being inherently personal.
- The importance of discerning between beneficial and harmful desires in one’s life.
- The parable of the two wolves as a metaphor for the internal conflict between positive and negative desires.
- Differentiation between “thin desires” (fleeting and influenced by external factors) and “thick desires” (deeply rooted in personal values and identity).
- The role of self-reflection and narrative in understanding one’s desires and motivations.
- The significance of establishing a hierarchy of values to guide decision-making and desire cultivation.
- The impact of social interactions on shaping desires and the responsibility individuals have in influencing others.
- The concept of “stalking your greatest desire” as a means to align personal desires with one’s life mission.
- The importance of having a trusted partner for exploring and communicating desires, emphasizing the value of attentive listening.
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If you enjoyed this conversation with Luke Burgis, check out these other episodes:
How to Find Zest in Life with Dr. John Kaag
Finding Zen in the Ordinary with Christopher Keevil
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | I think there's a typical attitude that people want what they want and whatever they want is fine. |
| 0:04.4 | Well, it's true, but not everything we want, not everything we desire is going to be good for us. |
| 0:17.4 | Welcome to the one you feed. |
| 0:19.7 | Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have. |
| 0:23.6 | Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true. |
| 0:29.6 | And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. |
| 0:33.6 | We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. |
| 0:41.7 | We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. |
| 0:48.6 | It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. |
| 0:53.4 | This podcast is about how other people keep |
| 0:55.6 | themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf. |
| 1:02.0 | I used to think my desires were mine, that they arose from some authentic core of who I am. |
| 1:08.6 | Turns out, I mostly learned them from other people. Luke Burgess wrote the book |
| 1:13.5 | Wanting about memetic desire, the idea that we want what other people want because they want it. |
| 1:20.8 | We're wired to look around and copy what seems valuable, which means many of us are pursuing |
| 1:27.1 | things we never consciously chose to pursue. |
| 1:30.1 | We just saw someone else going after it and thought, well, that must be worth wanting. |
| 1:34.9 | As a former heroin addict, this concept fascinates me, because I know what it's like when desire |
| 1:40.4 | takes over completely, when the strength of wanting something feels like proof that |
| 1:46.1 | it's the right thing to want, and it's not. |
| 1:48.5 | We talk about fulfillment stories, thick versus thin desires, and the pivot that I often |
| 1:54.0 | use daily. |
... |
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