How do you introduce Apocalypse Now? What am I even doing here? This is one of the great films of all time. It's incredible that we're not saving this for bonus content. I'm not even sure how crowdfunding works, but I've got enough sense not to just slip Apocalypse

Now into the regular feed.

Why was I not consulted on this? They're going to come to me in a month and say,

we need bonus content.

Let's do a special episode on Ben Affleck's Pearl Harbor.

That's a film that will live in infamy even greater than the sneak attack it claims to portray.

Let's eat pork chops and hate watch Mel Gibson's The Patriot.

My co-hosts, think creating Stockholm Syndrome in your listeners is how you build a fan community.

Meanwhile, here's one of the all-time great war movies just plopped onto your lunch

tray like Turkey Tetrazzini.

Part of the reason it's impossible for me to introduce this movie is it feels over-introduced already.

There's an entire war movie about the making of this war movie.

It's not just that I've seen this movie a bunch of times. It's that I've watched it as different people.

The first time, I thought it was going to be an action movie full of helicopter explosions, and I was very confused and alarmed through the whole thing.

And then they chopped a cow in half.

The second time I knew a little bit more about Vietnam

and felt ready to understand the subtexts,

but I completely overestimated my readiness

and mostly just tried to remember the good quotes about Napalm and the morning and so forth

so the eighth graders at Wenler Junior High School didn't think I was some kid who hadn't been in the

shit. The third time I'd actually read the Conrad novel and was prepared to get all deep with it, but I was with people who like the doors, and we all got high and they talked over it, acted like it was a movie, and I stopped being friends with them after that.

The fourth time I was trying to introduce it to a new girlfriend and she was very disappointed at how this date night was going.

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