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Omnibus

Anything Into Oil (Entry 056.EX3729)

Omnibus

Omnibus

Society & Culture, History

4.62.6K Ratings

🗓️ 14 March 2019

⏱️ 68 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In which one tech company's fondest dream—to turn Butterball turkey offal into light crude oil—remains tantalizingly out of reach, and John and Ken worry about whether they're recycling waxed paper correctly. Certificate #26207.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Ah, she's brilliant. Miss, I finally got plans out the group chat. We get it. Four votes for a festival,

0:06.0

three for a city break. It's hard to adhere to everyone's needs. There's Betty with her oversized tent.

0:11.1

Sarah and her six foot eight boyfriend.

0:13.1

All right.

0:13.9

Roger Junior and his dog, Roger Senior.

0:16.8

And don't get us started on Mel.

0:19.4

But, like a marriage counselor, she's the one keeping things together.

0:22.6

All aboard Miss I finally got plans out the group chat. Keep everyone's plans alive when you

0:27.1

travel with us. P and Dau Ferris, there is another way. We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick.

0:37.0

We are receiving this message.

0:41.0

We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick. We speak to you from our present, which we can

0:46.0

only assume is your distant past, the turbulent time that was the early 21st century.

0:51.3

Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization, we began this

0:55.6

monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge.

0:58.9

These recordings represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

1:05.4

So whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology

1:09.5

to decrypt our transmissions, this is our legacy to you.

1:13.4

This is our time capsule.

1:15.4

This is the omnibus. Oh, You have accessed entry 056.56.

1:47.0

E.X. 3729, certificate number 2627. Anything into oil. You recycle, I'm guessing.

2:14.0

I do. I recycle so much that I have more recyclables than un recyclables in my garbage,

2:20.0

and I actually switched to a smaller garbage can and a bigger recycling then.

...

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