Anxiety, Aging, and Emotional Autonomy: I Was "This Many Years Old" When I Learned My Parents Were Regular People

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 28 October 2024

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense.Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father’s increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love.Tony explains Schnarch’s 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself.00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety24:59 Reframing Perspectives25:09 Empathy and Understanding25:25 Intentional Conversations25:55 Meeting Halfway26:12 Choosing Your Battles26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums27:12 Psychological Reactance30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy32:57 Four Points of Balance38:30 Constructing Your Crucible44:43 Final Thoughts and TakeawaysTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.

Transcript

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0:00.0	So let me tell you one of the most incredible stories in the history of neuroscience.
0:05.5	And this is a story that completely changed how we understand the relationship between our emotions
0:09.1	and our ability to reason or to think about things logically.
0:13.6	So the year was 1848 and a gentleman named Phineas Gage was a 25-year-old railroad construction foreman.
0:20.7	And Phineas was known for being level-headed-old railroad construction foreman, and Phineas was known for being
0:21.9	level-headed and smart and really good at his job. And he was working on the Rutland and
0:26.4	Burlington Railroad in Vermont, and his job was to use explosives to clear a path for new train
0:32.6	tracks. So part of Phineas' job involved using a large iron rod. It was a little longer than
0:37.0	a modern-day baseball bat, maybe about three and a half feet long, using a large iron rod. It was a little longer than a modern day
0:37.6	baseball bat, maybe about three and a half feet long, but this thing was heavy. It weighed about
0:41.5	13 and a half pounds. And he used to, and he used this rod to pack explosives into holes that
0:47.4	were drilled into the rocks. And this job required very good precision. You had to be really good
0:51.8	at what you did because you're working with explosives. And well, explosives explode. But you would drill the hole. You would add this blasting
0:58.8	powder and then put sand and then use the rod to pack it all down before somebody else would
1:03.5	insert, think of like a candle wick. You would light it. You would clear out. You would run away
1:07.6	and it would explode the rock and you could eventually lay train tracks. But on September 13th, and yes, I checked September 13th in 1848, it was on a Wednesday,
1:16.7	so no Friday the 13th vibes here. But on that day, something went really bad. The rod struck a rock,
1:23.5	and it created a spark, and the powder exploded. And that iron rod shot straight through Gage's head
1:29.3	like a rocket. And it entered under his left cheekbone and it exited through the top of his skull
1:34.4	and this rod landed almost 100 feet away. Now here is where the story gets really incredible.
1:43.2	Phineas Gage survives.
1:44.8	Now, not only did he survive, but he was absolutely conscious.
	...

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