If I can share something that was helpful for me so I wouldn't be angry anymore,

or if I can share something about how I navigate my mixed faith marriage and that provides

some value, or when I did my TEDx talk, to walk people through the experience of an existential,

uh, dark night of the soul faith crisis in such a way that it would be safe even for a

believing member to watch that so that they could better understand what some of

their family and friends have gone through. Um,

to me,

I find meaning in participating in those things.

We've engaged online for over a year now, right?

We started in the restoration table when it was more active.

And I just wanted to have a conversation with Marty.

I think she's very thoughtful. And there's conversations that I think that are worth having that she's participating in as well. Well, I guess I can

kind of go into just different phases that I feel like I've been in. Like when I first left,

I felt like I was crazy and something was wrong with me.

Found Mormon stories and it was just really comforting to see that I wasn't the only one and the things that I was going through were normal. And then I did feel like there was kind of

this pendulum swing. I kind of went through an angry phase.

I guess I just found myself trying, wanting to kind of come back to somewhere in the middle of being a little bit more objective about the way I view the church and the way I view even the ex-Mormon world too.

Like what's the purpose of life type stuff? If it's, if it's not this narrative that I've been told my whole life, what is it?

And there's a lot of people talking about that online.

So anyway, it was just kind of like that next step after maybe coming down off of like an angry phase and like well how do I have a fulfilling life now kind of a thing and how do I help others a huge thing is relationships like I feel really strongly that you don't have to like cut off relationships that you can be resilient

in your relationships too like and I don't know if maybe I've had the thought maybe it's just

my personality and maybe what I have to offer isn't for everybody because they don't have

...