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This episode contains strong language

and descriptions of birth trauma that may be disturbing

for some listeners.

Please be advised.

The year old year old Tina Brown is peeking around a backstage curtain into a restless crowd.

A bank of stage lights is blasting straight into her eyes.

Tina's supposed to make her stage debut in a minute,

but all she can think about is running away,

which would be super awkward since the only thing she's wearing is a

sequined g-string. I mean take away the g-string and she's in my dream outfit.

Yeah, well for her this is no dream. This is the lunchtime rush at a go-go bar in New Jersey,

and it's time for Tina to get up in that box.

Her boss gives her the thumbs up and yells into the mic,

give it up for Union J. The boss gives her the thumbs up and yells into the mic,

Give it up for Union Jackie.

No one claps.

Tina pulls herself up and tries out the crotch swivel

...