Thank you so much, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, one wall up here, down there, out there, all around. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. I'm your host, Steven Colbert.

Now, if you've been, folks, if you've been paying attention to the news this week, I'm so sorry.

Because there is now a mountain of evidence that Russia has engaged in a series of brutal war crimes.

So, in response today, the United States announced new sanctions on Russian financial institutions and individuals. Good.

I hope it makes a difference. But at this point, there are so many sanctions on Russia, we might run out of places to put them.

We'll have to start sanctioning them in the multiverse.

They're going to have to block transactions with Russian banks that are in the dimension where Spider-Man is still topy McGuire.

The latest package, will, among other things, ban all new investment in Russia, while you got to.

Otherwise, their soaring economy is an irresistible cash magnet. Before the war started. Before...

Before the war started, I was ready to put all my money into their hot new ride-sharing app,

Tuber. Yes, Tuber, you know their motto is potato.

In addition, the administration has imposed what's known as full blocking sanctions on Russia's largest private bank,

Alpha bank, and its largest financial institution, Sparbank. That's Sparbank.

And not as I originally read it, Spurmbank, which is the one bank where you want your assets frozen.

The package. Spurmbank. There you go.

The package also includes sanctions on Vladimir Putin's adult children. He has acknowledged two daughters.

And that's just what every child wants to hear. I love you, daddy. I acknowledge you, too.

Speaking of out-of-control billionaires, Tesla CEO and star of douche-cacity in the crypto-kid.

Elon Musk's. After years of tweeting silly memes and bad takes,

while at the same time constantly criticizing Twitter's business practices this week,

Musk bought a 9.2% stake in Twitter, making him the largest single shareholder. Wait a second.

So if he doesn't like how a corporation operates, he just buys it? How much more evidence do we need

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