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We are all born with an innate psycho-biological core drive to do one thing. That's not to even consume food or shelter

or warm. The core overriding drive of human beings is to connect to

others for security. That is the fundamentally most important thing that we do as infants to survive.

It is through connecting that all the other requisites of food, shelter, warms, addressing our needs are met.

So the quality of these early connections is so determinative, in fact, starting with the work of Conrad

Lorenz and Harry Harlow, leading into, of of course the great wisdom of John Bulby, Mary Amesworth,

D.W. Winnicag, Wilcox, and so forth, the great psychologists of the late 20th century showed that this

need to bond to connect is so determinative and so fundamental. We don't only connect because it's what allows,

provides us with the requisites that ensure survival, but human beings do not co-regulate,

I do not auto-regulate emotions very well,

certainly not over an extended period of time.

Auto-regulate is the ability to self-soothe when you're in distress and switch your nervous

system out of sympathetic back into parasympathetic, ventil, a higher state of rest,

digest, relax, non-reactivity, where you can use the frontal lobe of your brain again.

We all start out life incapable of doing that on our own. We need someone

to restore us when we are activated, when we are frightened, disgusted, when we are angry, when we are in any strong

affect state. We need someone else to hold us, to soothe us to address our discomfort so that we can

restore ourselves back into a state of the nervous system goes back to parasympathetic and then all the developmental higher

parts of the brain, the frontal lobe, the dorsolateral, that starts shaping and coming online.

...