"Alien Abductions" w/ Jake Cornell
StraightioLab
Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 12 May 2026
⏱️ 78 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Just when you thought you could rest easy, we have our dear friend Jake Cornell on the podcast for one of our most tense eps in recent history. We debate everything from the validity of the black square era, to bonding with politically opposite barbers, to what it even means to be in the 1%. Plus, are gay people being abducted by aliens? And if they are, would they even have the language to describe? Likely not! Do your own research and go see Jake on tour!!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. |
| 0:02.6 | Guaranteed Human. |
| 0:20.6 | Hello, all. This is Sam with a quick show announcement. |
| 0:24.1 | First of all, I'm doing my hour again in L.A. on May 14th. |
| 0:28.0 | All the other ones have sold out, so I recommend you get tickets ASAP. |
| 0:31.3 | And then, get this, I'm doing a tour this summer. |
| 0:34.7 | So pretty much I'm touring tour. |
| 0:36.9 | I'll be doing my hour in San Francisco, |
| 0:39.1 | Seattle, Portland in July, D.C., Philly, Chicago in August, and then Boston at the beginning of |
| 0:44.9 | September. And there may be a couple other cities and dates sprinkled in there, but those are the |
| 0:49.6 | ones I have ticket links for now. So I'm saying run, run, run to my bio and get tickets for all those |
| 0:56.6 | beautiful, beautiful cities. I cannot wait to see you. Okay, that's pretty much it. So enjoy the |
| 1:02.5 | episode. Bye. |
| 1:04.4 | Podcast starts now. What is up? Everyone around the globe. We're coming at you from New York City. |
| 1:08.8 | George, how the hell are you? |
| 1:12.1 | I'm fantastic. |
| 1:12.9 | Mm-hmm. |
| 1:18.2 | I had an experience today at the barber, which is that it needs some time to grow, so don't. |
| 1:19.2 | It looks amazing. We can't. |
| 1:20.5 | Today is not the day. |
| 1:21.6 | Everyone knows it looks amazing. |
| 1:22.8 | Didn't put conditioner on. |
... |
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