Alex's Husband Is Too Straight

Proxy with Yowei Shaw

Yowei Shaw

Personal Journals, Society & Culture

4.8 • 589 Ratings

🗓️ 2 June 2026

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife.

Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?

In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifying question underneath it all: will you still want me if I change?

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for another story about identity changing inside a relationship, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about the emotional rules of people who say “that’s cool."

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Transcript

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0:00.0	A quick note, today's episode discusses sex explicitly.
0:04.4	So do without what you will.
0:08.8	If you had to vocalize the sound of this niche emotional conundrum, what would it sound like?
0:15.2	Let me think for a second.
0:17.4	Okay, I think it's like a really weird noise coming from like the bottom of your car when you're like going around turns and stuff where there's so much dread where you're like, what was that? It keeps happening. Oh my God, what? Everybody, it's Yo-A. On proxy, we believe no one is ever alone with their problem.
0:49.8	Because statistically, somewhere out there is somebody who gets it. And through the powers of reporting, we find them.
0:57.8	Today's case, what do you do when something big about you changes?
1:02.5	And you're not sure if your partner will be able to catch up.
1:06.6	That's after the break.
1:18.2	Thank you. That's after the break. Okay, so this is for those of you in the New York City area.
1:21.9	Proxy was selected to be part of the Tribeca Festival podcast showcase this year, which is very exciting. And it also means
1:29.3	I will be in New York City to do a live panel discussion on June 13th at 2.30 p.m. It's going to be
1:36.7	extremely nerdy if you're someone who likes getting the behind the scenes of how podcasts get made.
1:43.2	This is for you. Also, I would love to meet you.
1:47.1	Tickets are $16. And you should also check out just like the whole slate of Tribeca podcast events.
1:53.8	Radio Lab has a live show. Fashion neurosis has a live show. And there's also going to be a concert
1:59.0	and conversation between Rishi Kesh
2:01.2	Hirway of Song Exploder and Adam Scott. You can get tickets at Tribecafilm.com slash
2:08.7	festival slash podcasts. Well, so yeah, tell me, tell me why you wrote in. What's your, what's your conundrum?
2:25.4	Okay. My conundrum is working to understand and come to terms with what it means to be a non-binary person who is assigned female at birth in a relationship that appears heteronormative.
2:44.9	So with a straight cisgender man, where I'm often perceived as the wife or the girlfriend.
2:54.9	You just shrugged. I don't know if that captures it well enough. This is a listener who's going by
	...

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