ACS: Almost Live Podcast Part 1

Adam Carolla Show

PodcastOne / Carolla Digital

Comedy

4.5 • 36.9K Ratings

🗓️ 12 May 2010

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Bald Bryan is stepping in for Teresa to handle the news today. But before they jump into the first story, Bryan relays a story about how in order to be up to code for a building inspection later in the day, his absentee landlord had painters arrive at 7 in the morning. In their hurry to get the job done, the paint dried, thus sealing all of Bryan's windows shut. They were back at 7:03 pounding on the door with a chisel to loosen to the paint but Bryan screamed at them to come back later in the morning. Adam says 'you have to realize that especially in LA, painters don't really have to know their business.' Bryan says, 'You think I was barking those orders in English?' Jumping into the news, the Maxim Hot 100 is out now, and topping the list is pop star Katy Perry. Adam says, 'Katy Perry has a nice body and a face that's fine, but not model fine. [She's] good from certain angles.' This reminds Adam of the Proactive commercial she is a part of, as was his Dancing with the Stars partner Julianne Hough. Adam says that all of those acne commercials need to give us a heads up before the 'before' shot because it's disgusting. Rounding out the top 3 is Brooklyn Decker at #2, and Zoe Saldana at #3. Adam disagrees with this one: 'She's too blue, and too skinny. Like my balls.' Scarlett Johansson is also on the list, reminding them of Iron Man 2. Adam likes that Robert Downey has brought some humanity to the action movie, 'but they kinda did what they do in all sequels, which is if one iron man is good, then a thousand would be better.' He goes on to say (summarized): 'It's the same mistake that teenage boys make with fucking. Which is, 'faster, harder, she's gonna love it!' Chicks don't like it... what I'm saying is a little more foreplay, be secure, let it breathe a little bit.' Other people on the Hot 100 list include Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious, and Anna Paquin of True Blood. Adam says 'Anna Paquin started off as a fine specimen, but as an adult, somehow the pieces didn't come together.' They also decide (summarized) 'if you have an A cup and a skinny ass, you can't be hot. There needs to be some basic criteria, just like there is for guys.' Bryan says Playboy readers will get a 3D centerfold in the June edition, to which Adam asks 'they are jumping the shark now, right?' They also discuss the NASCAR Hall of Fame opening in Charlotte, the 50th Anniversary of 'The Pill', and the recent appointment of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court. Adam says 'she looks like she was beat with a menorah.' The Weez steps in to play a round of 'Blah Blah Blog,' where the guys try to see if they can guess the celebrity who wrote the blog based on their inane ramblings. Bryan dominates 4 for 4, though Donny beats Adam by one in the final round. To wrap up the show, Adam takes a call from a listener ensuring everyone that the podcast will continue even if his pilot's picked up, and a second caller asks Adam his opinion of Jack Black. Adam and Bryan compare him to Alec Baldwin, saying that both men are more comfortable in supporting roles. Ultimately Adam concludes that 'Jack Black is not a comedian, he's a talent. He does a lot of interesting things, makes a lot of interesting choices. But I see him more as a personality.' Be sure to check out Bryan's new podcast, 'The Film Vault,' now available on iTunes as part of the Ace Broadcasting Network. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to the Ace Broadcasting Network.
0:20.2	From a warehouse in Glendale, California to to your laptop this is the adam carola podcast today in teresa's absence bald brian has the news
0:28.9	and the wheeze will sit in on a spirited round of blah blah blog and now the best free thing on the internet
0:35.6	other than porn adam Adam Carolla.
0:39.0	Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Bald Brian's got the news.
0:44.6	How you feeling, Bald Brian? Is porn still free? You know what? It's nothing sexual is truly free.
0:53.0	Do you know what I mean? It does take us tall on your soul. Yeah. That'll be one of my things I tell my kids growing up. You know what's a... No such thing is free porn. No free sex in the world. That's right. It costs you something. No free lunches in nature. As Dr. Drew would always say that. That's right. No free lunches in nature. He was on something. Yeah, it was basically him saying,
1:10.9	look, you can do... would always say that. That's right. No free lunches in nature. And he was on something. Yeah.
1:11.3	It was basically him saying, look, you can do, you know, testosterone injections, but you're going to get sits on your back. You're going to get bigger. You're going to get more buff. That's a given, but you're going to have back me. Yeah. you can
1:07.7	take a sleeping pill
1:09.4	every night
1:09.8	before you go to bed
1:10.6	but you'll be foggy
1:11.4	in the morning
1:11.8	like it'll be good
1:12.8	it's like
1:14.0	nature's like some kind of Rubik's Cube, or just when you line up one side, the other side gets all fucked up. Yeah. There's an equal and opposite reaction. No matter what you push against, you're going to get some push back. Yeah. Speaking of push back, a lot of folks listening owe money. Really? Yeah, credit cards.
1:45.4	Times are tough.
1:41.3	Mortgages, things like that, hospital bills. You know how that's going. Yes, I do. I just paid some hefty hospital bills earlier in the week. Really? Yeah. Yeah, should have talked to my friends over at National Debt bailout. What can they do for me? Dot com, by the way. What can they do?
1:44.7	Consolidate your debt, and then you just pay pennies on the dollar.
2:35.1	That's a solid plan right there. I wish I'd looked at that. Yeah, too bad you didn't look into it, right? Before I paid dollars on the dollar. Yeah, I mean you got to owe more than 150 bucks. You have like 10K or more in unsecured debt. you get it together, you call my friends at 1-800-391-61. That's 1-800-391-611-14. That's national debt bailout.com. They'll help you out. And by the way, no obligation. 100% free. You just call up, check them out. They can't do anything for you. They can't do anything for you. Move on. You know what the other thing too? What's that? It's not like you're gainfully employed. No. You got time. Hell yeah. You got a telephone. What are you going to do? Take a little time out of your busy day of sitting around looking at you porn and call my friends over at National debt bailout. Take a little time for you. Take time for you. Maybe they can save you some money. And they're certified. They're certified debt specialists. Nice. Yeah. Find Lyme between certified and certifiable. Yeah. There's a few syllables there where I don't know where you're going to go with that. Not you personally, but like someone's going to go with that. Like certify. Crazy or good? Crazy or good? Certified. This is certified, which is good. 1-800-391-6114 National Debt bailout.com. All right. Now, where were we? We're going to do some news? Yeah, I'm tired. Yeah, what's up?
3:24.8	Well, about a month ago, our building had a health inspection, and we're sort of owned by an absentee landlord.
	...

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