Okay, this is from Anonymous, which is always very telling.

Alright, here we go.

I'm thinking of ending my relationship with my boyfriend, because he doesn't pay me the attention I deserve, but there is a reason I haven't.

Oh.

If this is anonymous, it's not going to be for long, he's going to know.

He's got a third nipple in the center of his rib cage.

When he takes his t-shirt off, his torso resembles a very kindly looking face.

It's like his regular nipples like eyes, his additional nipples are little cute nose, and his belly buttons are cute surprise mouth.

Anyway, I've taken to calling this chest man, Christopher.

She's got an name for it.

And when my boyfriend is sleeping, I have long one-sided conversations with him.

Christopher is a great listener, and best of all, doesn't talk back.

I've begun to develop strong feelings of a sexual nature towards Christopher.

Do I abandon my growing relationship with him or stick it out hoping I can fall back in love with my boyfriend? Jesus.

And you thought a dog licking some bum cheeks was with it.

That's pretty tame now, isn't it?

Well, I don't get...

Hank, she's falling in love with a fucking weird...

With an emoji, with a chest emoji.

Imagine a surprised emoji.

Imagine waking up if she's like, go back to sleep.

If I had to picture a moment of calmfulness,

...