Hi, I'm Willow Belden and you're listening to Out There, the podcast that explores big questions through intimate stories in the outdoors.

On today's episode, we have a story about a woman who went into the mountains looking for an epiphany.

She was trying to sort out the terrifying changes that were happening in her life at the time, and she hoped nature

could provide some answers. What happened to her out in the woods was not what she'd bargained for.

It was an experience that was deeply unsettling.

But sometimes it's the unsettling things that affect us most profoundly.

I'll let Mary Roberts take it from here.

Music I'll let Mary Roberts take it from here. We were 10 women on a journey to find ourselves. The program was called Women in Transition and was led by two outdoors women skilled in Native American

ritual, surviving the wilderness and spotting the participants who hid mascara in their underwear.

We weren't allowed anything extra in our backpacks, especially makeup.

We had all been to hike eight days in the Pekos Wilderness area with 40 to 50-pound

backpacks, setting up camp every night in a different place and walking five to ten miles a day.

We had our reasons.

I told people that I wanted to celebrate my 40th birthday in a big way,

but the truth was that I was living a huge lie concerning my marriage.

Desperately unhappy and in love with another man, I needed space,

time without my family and a great big epiphany, flashing in neon lights, telling me exactly

what I should do next. I thought if I simplified my daily life for a week and immersed myself in nature, I would have a profound vision.

The leaders organized talking circles where we would speak about our feelings and our fears.

The only thing I remember saying is that I feared I wouldn't have a life-altering epiphany,

and I would go home as confused and unhappy as ever.

Other people spoke about their fears of bears and lions,

...